


Gravity

by witchiepoo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, My First Fanfic, Severus Snape Lives, Sexual Content, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 24,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15395325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchiepoo/pseuds/witchiepoo
Summary: You return to Hogwarts 10 years after graduating. The battle is over, Voldemort is dead, and Snape has secretly survived. Minerva McGonagall is the acting Headmistress. You return to the school as the new professor of Muggle Studies after a successful career as a young witch... You intend to keep to yourself, but you always find yourself back to him. How long will the two of you dance around the unresolved feelings? It's only a matter of time.Playlist link (spotify): https://spoti.fi/2MlWjWv(Apple Music): https://apple.co/2OCmPaA





	1. Your Return to Hogwarts

You stood in your new dormitory.. Pacing, you try to calm yourself down. “Come on, (Y/N), this place was your home for 7 years. You can do this, you will do this.”

There was no question that you were more than qualified. Since leaving Hogwarts, you had written four best-selling books about muggle life in different countries that had cushioned your vault at Gringotts. The money from your books allowed you to professionally do whatever you pleased with out worrying about the pay and you got to follow your passion which was to travel and study muggles who knew nothing of the magic you got to see and use every day.

Sure, you had grown used to the jokes and banter around the word “muggle”. You had taken many the jab about wasting your many talents on studying such a inferior kind. Yet, you disagreed. You never let it stand in the way of your passion. You grew thick skin quite like he had, and also similar to him, you had learned how to keep a sharp tongue at all times.

When you stepped foot on the school grounds, you felt an instant shudder of memories that you had tried to hide and suppress the last ten years. You had done a good job, too, in your opinion. Your mind only occasionally wondered to him now. Times when you smelled the scent of leather shoes, saw a tall man with long dark hair, or heard a deep voice... Yeah, that was the kind of hung up you were.

However, if someone were to ask you – not that anyone would know to – you were over him.

You asked yourself that same question as you walked up to your mirror and looked at yourself. One thing that helped with your success was your undoubted beauty. Your beauty matched with your quick witted tongue often kept more than a few wizards in a trance. Something you liked more than you'd ever admit.

“You're better than he left you.” You told yourself. Though, other's opinions were not something you held and clung to – his was one that mattered almost more than your own. It had always been that way and that was what destroyed you the most in the end.

As you walked through the corridors of the castle, you couldn't help but feel comforted by the smell of your surroundings. Hogwarts hadn't been your home, it was your home... And you were back now – even if it meant facing him.

Walking in, your eyes couldn't help but gaze at the floating candles and sky-filled ceiling. You felt like you had been thrown back to your first year, witnessing the magic for the very first time. Your mother had been against you attending but your father was so proud that you – his one and only daughter – had made it. To this day, he was your biggest fan. In the end, your parent's disagreement over your magical future evolved into them divorcing during your fourth year. This was yet another factor that made your skin a little thicker. The fact that you were a true Ravenclaw certainly helped your case. You were all of the house traits: intelligent, wise, sharp, and witty. The latter two being the most common connections between him and yourself.

Tucking your hair behind your ear, you took your spot at the opposite end of the table where you knew he would sit, where he always sat. Headmistress McGonagall flashed you a smile and nod, as if she knew how uneasy you had felt.

It was bound to happen, though. It was inevitable. You had known it since you left and maybe all along. He was just like gravity to you. And you? You were just his moon.

Every time you tried to forget, every moment when you didn't remember how he had broken your heart, something reminded you of him that filled you with the same heartache you felt long ago when you had received his letter. After that night, you swore he wouldn't bring you down – yet the same pull was felt the instant he set foot into the Great Hall.

The hairs on your arms stood up as you turned your head and, with out a second, your eyes met Severus Snape's dark stare. As he looked straight through you, you felt gravity pulling your heart into the bottom of your stomach. You had never been so thankful to hear Minerva's voice. The first dinner in the Great Hall had begun.

Your eyes darted anywhere else and you looked forward. Did he know how accomplished you had become? Did he know you had been pushing yourself so hard to accomplish it in spite of him? That you had proved everything he said in his letter wrong? Yet, there was no hate inside of you when it came to him. The agony was caused by wanting to prove him wrong – to prove that you were more than enough for him.

Snapped back into reality, the headmistress began introduce the newest members of the faculty. You were the newest Muggle Studies professor, starting as the youngest professor, as well. Along with you was yet another Defense Against The Dark Arts professor who was slightly older than you. You knew him in school and bumped into him every now and again at the Ministry. His name was Levicius Harewood. He flashed a smile at you as he was announced, waving to you as if to say, “I remember you!” and then waved on to the kids.

You blushed a little for some reason, grinning to yourself before you heard the McGonagall introduce you. Though you weren't expecting it, she went on about your success and how she had admired you even as a student. “... For current Ravenclaw students, you should learn everything you can from her. To our first years, may your heart only dream to be sorted into such a graceful house. I warmly welcome the return of our very own, (F/N) (L/N). Professor of Muggle Studies.” You were welcomed with howls and applause. Such excitement, for you. It was almost enough to take your mind off of potion's master at the end of the table, who was eyeing you the entire time the headmistress spoke.

Once dinner was over, you started towards your living quarters to get ready for bed. You thought to yourself about how it hadn't gone too badly. You survived, at least. But, before you could make it very far you felt a hand on your shoulder.

Freezing in your steps, you caused the person behind you to nearly run into you. “Oh,” you laughed, “It's just you.” You almost giggled, his hands on both your shoulders to calm you now. It was Levicius.

“Wow, just me.” he laughed, “Pardon me or I'm sorry could have worked, too.” He joked.

You rolled your eyes and laughed at yourself now. “It's too early in the year for your lines, Levi.” You smiled again at the presence of the old acquaintance. “I'll admit,” you started as he began to walk with you. “It's nice to see a familiar face... And someone as new as I am to teaching.”

His tender smile, that was a reaction to you, fell when the dark haired man walked up. You heard his deep, monotonous voice for the first time. “Save the reunion for a time and place that won't waste my time, please.” Snape muttered as he walked up to you both, giving you a glance that said you were worth about .01 seconds of his time.

“Shouldn't you be preparing to not make a mockery of yourself in your classes tomorrow?” He dragged on viciously, “Aside from (L/N), of course.” He said to you as he turned on the balls of his feet in your direction.

You raised an eyebrow, looking up and into his eyes, purposely this time. “Save your emotions, or lack of, against my class for another day.” You said simply, “We both know I am fully capable of teaching anything I'd like.” Was that too cocky? Maybe. Nice one, though.

“And what a pity it is. A true pity. That you should land on Muggle Studies at all is beyond. me.” He said before giving you a harder look and continuing on through the corridors.

“At least nothing has changed.” Levi laughed.

With a fake laugh or two you had mustered up, you replied, “Nothing will ever change.”

And you knew that to be true because as mad and annoyed as one should be, your heart ached to follow the caped man. You were pulled in his direction and, for once, you wished it was as simple as gravity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec  
> Gravity - Sara Bareilles


	2. Something Always Brings Me Back to You

The next day you woke in your room earlier than you meant to. Somehow, you didn't mind. You began to get ready. Applying your light makeup and taming your hair with a simple spell, you nodded into the mirror as you pieced together what you would wear for your first day of class.  
  
“No, no... Not that either.” you muttered softly at the color of your tights against the color of your long cape-sleeved jacket. The sleek, fashion-forward jacket was a part of your iconic look. It was a fashion piece you picked up from muggles themselves.  
  
In the end, you decided on a royal blue pencil dress for underneath your jacket. On one of the lapels you smiled before you added a Ravenclaw crest pin to complete the outfit. Your dad had given you the pin after your sorting ceremony, you hadn't gone with out it since.  
  
Grabbing your satchel, you decided to make your way to your classroom before breakfast. It was still early and you hadn't made your way to set things up just yet. It was important to you that your classroom related who you were and what you studied.  
  
Dumbfounded and stunned, as if someone had just cast a stupefy spell on you, you halted before the door. “It can't be...” You opened the door and walked in slowly. It was. The room Muggle Studies was in when you were in school was on the second floor of the castle, this was the ground floor. A new classroom though it was not new to you at all.  
  
Before you could give permission your own mind turned it's back on you and you stood in the empty room as your mind drifted back...

 

> _“I don't think anyone knows, Sev. Why is it my fault if they did?” You asked, upset that he would even assume you'd betray him – especially when it would mean punishments on both your parts._  
> 
> “It is certainly not mine.” he retorted back as he paced across the abandoned room. The abandoned classroom had been your meeting place for some time now.
> 
> “Dumbledore is a smart man,” you started off, “I wouldn't be surprised if he's known for years.” You finally spoke, admitting his worst fear out in open air.
> 
> “All this time to be found out right at the end of your 7th year.” He snared, his dark eyes changing as he looked at you. His eyes spoke to you, almost to say we're almost there. We are so close.
> 
> “If he wanted you gone, he would have already been rid of you, Sev.” You were the only other one he let call him that name. You had been through so much over your last four years at Hogwarts. With a small sigh, you walked over to him. He was much taller and larger than you. Even against other witches your age, you were always so short and petite.
> 
> “Hey,” you chimed softly. “I'm on your side. Remember?”
> 
> Severus looked up with hopeful eyes and nodded, moving his hands from his hips over to yours as he drew you near.
> 
> “I'm not going anywhere.” you reminded him, pressing a soft kiss against his temple. “We're almost there, don't tell me you're going to give up now!” After you finished your last year at Hogwarts the two of you could have a future together. There was a lot more hope once you didn't have to hide.
> 
> “I'll never give up.” he said deeply, resting his long face against yours.

  
It was almost as if the younger version of Snape and yourself were really there and you were hidden by a disillusionment charm of some sort. It seemed so real, as real as the tear that fell down your cheek as you stood there with a small smile.

Yeah, you were really over it.

“Something always brings me back to you,” you whispered to yourself, as if you were speaking to him. “Never takes too long, does it?”

Forcing yourself out of the gravitational pull that seemed to hover over your room, you stood up and started putting things in order. The last thing you did was cast a charm over the ceiling that showed The Nothern Lights. Over the year, your ceiling would have a different sky from different areas of the muggle world for each day of class.

After you admired your room, you decided to finally head for breakfast. Just as you walked out of your door, you ran in to a dark cloak. You hit so hard, you fell back a little and grasped for it, steadying your fall. Why the hell were you trippin' so hard? But this time, it was not Levi.

“Always a pleasure.” Snape sneered as he brushed his hands off his cloak to release your hands from it.

“Listen, I'm on your team here.” you reminded, wondering if it hit home. “Remember?”

No response to the reference vocally though you knew it resonated when he narrowed his eyes and walked on in a wave of his robes.

“Try harder to remind yourself next time you get a 'tude.” your red lips called behind him.

 

* * *

_Severus' POV_

“What were you thinking?” He harped at the Headmistress.

“I was thinking about life,” Minerva said in reply. “How boring life would be with out the little distractions.”

“I don't care for distractions.” He hissed back.

“Ah,” quipped the older woman, she favored the late Dumbledore in her leadership, in many ways. “But the distractions are often where the true treasures lie.”

The silence after was felt by both. The headmistress ended the silence more, “Severus, you have been as loyal to Lily as in your power and even above it. However, I do not believe for one moment she wishes you to live your life in never-ending pain and sorrow.” The other woman eaned over her desk towards the taller, dark haired man in front of her. “When you were with (Y/N), you were your best self. That is what I saw in his memories. Dumbledore wanted to ensure you two would find each other again. You survived the battle. Now, do more than just survive.”

“I was weak and fragile. I lost focus on what was important.” Snape retorted.

“You were vulnerable and you flourished more in those four years professionally than you have in these ten! Her intelligence mixed with yours was brilliant! Student or not.” McGonagall reminded harshly before ending the conversation all together.

“She is the brightest wizard of her age, skilled in all areas. She is not going anywhere.” She defended. “You must come to terms with that fact. However you do so is no longer a concern to me. I have done my part.”

  
With that, Snape billowed out of the office and down to breakfast. As he walked, you came out of your classroom straight into him. As he hissed at you, you had a come back. He walked away stunned from not only his talk with the headmistress but your reminder as well. The memory bounced from your daydream in to his and he was in an absolute haze the entire day.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/PLDIhqMWH00  
> Thinking About You - Dua Lipa


	3. Little Distractions

Your first few days of classes went over well. As the weekend drew near, all of the professors met in the headmistress' office for a special meeting over the year's events after dinner. You scanned the room but there was no sign of Severus. After your run in, you caught no more than a glance from him.  
  
“Any plans for the weekend?” You heard a familiar voice call out. Levi came from behind you and smiled as he waited for his answer. As the other few professors waited for everyone to join, they all talked amongst themselves in small groups.  
  
“No, not really.” you laughed, “Though I had thought of getting out of the castle. What about you?”  
  
“I think I need to go over some lesson planning. I was less than graceful in my few days of classes.” Levi replied with a small drop in his face. “Do you think... Would you be against going down, grabbing a Butterbeer with me, and helping me with that? Setting up lessons for the year?”   
  
You could tell he was nervous to ask for help. “Don't worry,” you rubbed his shoulder with your hand. You didn't mean for the action to be flirtatious as it was meant to be reassuring. However the tall, dark bystander in the back read it differently.  
  
“Once you finish with your flirtatious buddy sessions,” the dark voice taunted Levi, “You might think to ask a professor with.... tenure.” He glanced over you and back to your colleague. But just before Snape could lay into him more, McGonagall walked in and began the meeting.  
  
The meeting was informative, in your opinion, but you were tired and ready to go back to your room and relax in the presence of your cat. Roe was a long-haired Siamese cat who was another surprise gift from your dad just as you began Hogwarts. She was older now and took even less pleasure in life than Snape, if that was at all possible.  
  
As you walked to your room, you searched your bag for one of the many books you had borrowed from the library. You stopped suddenly when you saw a black pair of shoes surrounded by black fabric, “You were almost my second collision of the week.” You joked before you looked up at the figure. It was him. The goosebumps returned as you dropped the two books in your hand from the surprise guest at your door.   
  
“I..” you moved to grab your books. As you picked one up, his hand grabbed the other. As you stood up, you unlocked your door. “Come on i-” before you could finish your invite the shadow figure was already inside, waiting on you. And before you could give a witty comment about manners, he started in.  
  
“You are a complete distraction.” Snape spat in an annoyed hum.  
  
“If this is an apology you're really screwing it up,” you said calmly with out looking at him. You stopped at your desk, turned the light on, and were setting the books out on the surface.   
  
“APOLOGY? For what do I have to apologize for? For keeping my career? For surviving the battle? For breaking your fragile little heart?” Well, okay, ouch! You looked up. Still, he was kind of cute when he was this angry. You had almost forgotten how much it attracted you. The way his hair fell over his face. The heavy slams of his hand against any surface he would slam them against for effect.   
  
“For giving up.” you said after many moments of silent thought.   
  
He stood up and his hands lifted from your desk, almost as if he was in shock. “I never gave up.”   
  
“You gave up.” You said in an angrier tone. Now there were hot tears forming in your eyes. You had rehearsed what you would say to him over and over again in your mind over the years apart. Every cut, every sharp edge your tongue would use to lash back at him. Now that the moment was there, could you even do it? “The letter?” was all you could manage while maintaining your strong demeanor.  
  
He began walking towards you so swiftly you had to gasp for air when he stood merely a breath away from you. “The letter was the only way I could assure you would not come back for me.” Snape said in a lower tone, “I had to hurt you to push you away. I knew what my future was. If I had died... Where would you be? I could not bear to put you through the loss. Or worse, lose you.”  
  
Suddenly, it made sense. He did this.... for you? Because he loved you. Before you could ask anything, he was gone.  
  
You laid in bed that night, unable to sleep. What was the meaning of all of this? What did he mean he had to push you away? You got out of bed and walked over to your desk. Pulling a key from the bottom of your desk, you opened a large rawer and removed a large wooden box which contained a green envelope with a Slytherin crest on the silver seal. It was the letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BBvHRB5vQE  
> Water Under The Bridge - Adele


	4. the Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you're enjoying this or what you'd like to see, etc! I'm going to post until what I have so far is gone and then I'll decide if I should keep going!! Should I?? I want to hear it all :-)!

“ _(F/N) (L/N),_

_It has come to my attention that you plan on studying muggles. As one of the most intelligent witches I have come to the pleasure of teaching, the disappointment of this news shakes me to the core._

_Perfect scores in Potions, Transfiguration, Divination, and Charms leaves me baffled at your choices. I can no longer over any further assistance in your future, be it professionally or personally. It is below my beliefs and standards and you are of no exception to either one._

_I am saddened to learn that your foolish muggle of a mother has won at destroying your future of being a great witch. I fear you will soon follow her path. I send regards to your father._

_As for meeting you in Surrey, I regret to inform you my travels have been canceled. They will not be rescheduled. Do not contact me in your future endeavors._

_Severus Snape_ "

* * *

 

Tears welled up in your face and suddenly, upon reading the letter, you were 18 again. When you were in your fourth year, you remembered the exact moment when you learned of your parent's separation. Your mother's memory had been obliviated after the separation and the entire ordeal was messy and the most painful thing you thought you'd ever experience. With your choice to continue magic, you were lost from her memory as well and the last moment you got to spend with her was her wishing you had never gone to Hogwarts. “Your father and I would have still been together if not for magic.” Your father had died in the very same battle Severus was said to have died in. Only to find out, days later in an owl from Hagrid, that he had secretly survived. He was safe. Had you not been dealing with funeral arrangements, you would have gone to see him sooner. Somehow, you just never found the time.

Inside with the letter, were different objects of your mother and father's along with small objects and things Severus had left for you to find over the years. The first was a small piece of parchment which he had written, “One does not need both parents to believe in them to be great. One must believe in themselves.” You held the small piece of parchment in your hands and allowed your mind to drift to that day...

> You were crying and you ran into the empty classroom, your present day classroom. This was yours and Severus' first meeting in your place. The tall professor stormed in behind you, his voice thundering the walls of the room. “Tell me, how witty must a Ravenclaw must be to skip an entire day of classes with the thought that she would not be found? You are one of my best students, it would be a shame to have to expel you.”
> 
> Once you turned, your eyes were red from crying. You were not one to be emotional. In fact, he had often asked why you had not been sorted into Slytherin. His face had suddenly fell. You had understood this professor far past what you had ever imagined in your first year at this time. You had helped tutor some of his failing Slytherin students and in the few times you needed help, you were never too afraid of Snape's snide, witty comments to ask. Perhaps that was what made you one of his favorites, though you had not noticed the extent of his affection for you just yet.
> 
> After hearing what happened with your parents. He sat next to you and told you about his relationship with his father. “Out of pain comes strength.” Snape said smoothly. When you looked up into his eyes you could see his eyes had grown watery as he opened up about his own pain. “You will be better for it.” He reached a hand to run over your back, wrapping around you and hugging you into his side.
> 
> With that physical touch, you both grew quiet – yet neither one of you moved. It was unspoken and understood that you were his much younger student and that, he, your much older professor would at the very least lose his job for what was happening in the empty classroom.
> 
> With your hand, you moved it along his thigh and looked up at your professor. “Thank you. I.. I think I should go.”
> 
> Your action had made him raise his eyebrow at you, yet he nodded. Your touch had assured him that you liked the touch, that you were both on the same page. “Thank you, for understanding with out forcing me to speak.”
> 
> “Some things are said best with no words.” you nodded softly.
> 
> Just then, he took one of your hands and held it in his two.
> 
> “Indeed.” He said.

You put the paper back into the box and slid it under your bed. Maybe you weren't the only one that was pulled to him. Maybe he was equally as pulled to you, as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOFOjg_2FKY  
> Knowing Me, Knowing You - Jeremy Irvine, Lily James, Pierce Brosnan & Amanda Seyfried


	5. Friendship in Full Bloom

You didn't get much sleep the night before. You woke up and felt so tired that you rolled back over. You remembered then that you had promised Levi to help him with his lesson planning. There wasn't much else that went on in your mind. It was as if your emotions were frozen after finding out the truth behind why Severus had pushed you away so harshly. The truth now didn't change the fact that you had still felt the pain then.

When you learned about The Battle at Hogwarts and the fate of both Snape and your father, you had an overwhelming feeling of guilt. You were working for the Ministry at that time dealing with the muggle Prime Minister to ease the effects of Voldemort being at large. By the time you heard the truth, that Severus had survived, you were overwhelmed with grief of losing your father that you could barely think of anything else.

At his funeral, you were the only family that showed and the pain of your mother literally being oblivious to his death was the tip of the iceberg. You were never a crier. A handful of times had ever shown where you cried in public or in front of someone else. One instance being when you were in school after your mother and father divorced and she was obliviated and, the second, your father's funeral. In the back of your mind, you had wondered and hoped you'd see Severus. You thought, maybe, he'd show up knowing what your father meant to you. He never did.

You were in a daze as you walked to breakfast that morning. You were walking with a book in your hand, some skinny jeans showing under a black cape-sleeved jacket that held a white button down beneath it. You were wearing your glasses, something that verified you were feeling slightly subpar, and your hair was in a messy bun on top of your head. Somehow, even being as beside yourself as you were, you still managed to look put together.

You stalled at the entrance of The Great Hall as you saw him. You both made eye contact. Instead of him looking away, you were the first to suddenly break the contact. And... You weren't sure _why_. It clearly puzzled him, too, as you could see his eyes darting around across the table when you dared to look back. You ate quickly and right after you finished, you saw Levi walking in, late, with two... Did he have coffee?

“Go back and walk up to me again, slower. With your robes off.” you joked as you winked and giggled. He stood there before the steps up to the table and you quickly grabbed your book and ran down to meet him, grabbing the cup he held out for you.

“You didn't have to agree to spend your day off doing my teaching work.” he managed to muster after his laughter. “And I figured I should use how many small things I remember about you from school by paying you back.” You loved coffee, you always had.

As you looked over his face, you almost saw a blush on his cheeks. “Thank you.” You smiled, “I had a rough night.” There was a slight look back over your shoulders at the shadowed figure who caused the sleepless night but he was gone now. You restarted the conversation, “Besides, you forget I'm a Ravenclaw. This is what I enjoy.”

The two of you enjoyed your friendly day out in Hogsmeade. Levi was exceptionally happy with not only how fast you helped him plan out his lessons but also at how confident he felt about doing them next time on his own.

“No wonder the kids are calling you the best professor _'like, ever'_.” he said with a laugh as you two walked along the small community. “So what's got you so... off it?”

You looked at him with an expression that made him retract his question.

“I mean... I'm sorry, that was awful personal of me. I just... We're friends right? You said you had a rough night.” He apologized so quickly it made you feel guilty for your reaction.

“It's okay. We are... Friends, I mean.” You managed to say. “My dad died. Four years ago today.” You said simply and it almost seemed like you were not going to go on. You didn't plan on opening up but something about him made you continue. “He... was the last of the family I had left. Magically, of course. My mother was obliviated when I was in my fourth year at Hogwarts so it's as if... As if she doesn't exist. Or I don't, I guess.” You hadn't talked about this in years. For some reason, admitting it to someone other than Severus made you feel almost ashamed. You suddenly felt two warm arms wrap around you. Against your will, the act of kindness caused a single tear to fall down your cheek. You wiped it up and smiled. With a sharp breath, “I almost forgot, too. And then, I was reminded of something last night that made it impossible to focus on. I keep thinking every year it'll get easier.”

“You don't have to pretend you're strong. Everyone already thinks the world of you.” He reminded you with a smile. “Do you need company today? Or would you rather grab some treats and head back?”

“If you don't mind, maybe we could head to the Honeydukes before going back? Your company was a good distraction but I need to have some time for myself, too. I'm sorry. I hope that doesn-”

“Not at all, I understand. Let's go, my treat. And don't argue with me!” He laughed.

With a laugh, you nodded and the two of you were off. You let him buy you almost too much candy and, for a moment or two, you completely forgot your sadness from both your ex and the loss of your dad.

"One more thing," you heard him call behind you. You turned and saw him reach out and hand you something. 

"I knew your father, worked with him a couple of years. He adored you about as much as I do and everyone else, for that matter." he said with a slight laugh, rubbing his neck. Was Levi? No. You had to refocus to listen to the rest once you opened the box. It started playing a small song and you smiled. "For the pin he gave you." He smiled, "I did good, right?"

You nodded with a small smile and reached to kiss his cheek as you hugged him. "It's perfect. Thank you." You squeezed him in the hug to show how grateful you were.

"I just want you to know - I'm here for you. For anything you need. You can trust me." Levi nodded as he backed up to head to his corridor. It was almost as if he read your mind, you were hoping you didn't mistrust what you had opened up to him about. But you hadn't... And somehow, gaining a good friend - someone you could lean on that didn't have the reactions of a muggle Icy/Hot patch - made you realize that everything was just fine. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2c4wRK77Wk  
> Chiquitita - Abba
> 
> (The last Mamma Mia-esque song.... I promise. Maybe. Probably not.)


	6. Answers

When you returned to Hogwarts, you parted ways to sit at your seats. You couldn't help but notice that someone was missing. _'That's for the best,'_ you thought to yourself as you pecked at your dinner. He'd of probably ruined your mood, anyway.

About half way through your barely picked at plate of chicken and vegetables you stood up and excused yourself. You left, somehow finding yourself in the dungeons before you had time to process it. You walked through, heading for the door that separated you from his living quarters. Why was he on your mind? Still? You couldn't just let a good day be a good day, could you?

There was no answer to your first few knocks. _'Good, now turn back. Go to bed.'_   But you continued to knock.

Finally, You reached to push the door open and you found yourself looking into his study. _'Really?'_ You were scorning yourself in your head. Slowly and cautiously, you walked in, looking around. Your mind sent you back once more.

 

> _“_ _Do you bring students in here often?” You said with a cheeky smirk. You had just returned from summer break and he pulled you aside the moment you had returned to Hogwarts._

> _“_ _Constantly. You always were one to catch on so quickly.” He rolled his eyes at you but smiled out of the corner of his lips. “Now,” he said with a softer tone, brushing his large hand against the side of your face and through some of your hair. “How long were we apart? You changed... something.”_

> _“_ _My hair,” you answered in a soft daze. “I cut my hair.” You had also started to fill out - breasts, hips, and everything else seemed to expand into a curvy figure. Something you were still adjusting to. “And this is a dress. Is it weird?” You asked about your attempted change in fashion._

> _“_ _I am not one for change,” he started after a long draw of silence. “But this one, I rather like.” He had been looking over your legs and his eyes slowly scanned up to your new hair do, making a few pit stops at the new turns of your body._

> _You were now in your sixth year and the affection between you and Severus had grown closer but there was little physical touch beyond the innocent, until now. Your professor had now moved from an arms reach in front of you to his hands tracing along your hips. His face came closer, pressing his cheek against yours._

> _“_ _This is also a change,” you said softly, brushing your nose against his cheek softly as you spoke._

> _“_ _I felt... Inspired.” he answered you, reaching back to give you a soft kiss, his hand lifting your chin up to meet his lips with yours. “That does not mean, however, to inspire anyone else.” He said as he pulled back. With a flick of his wand, you had sheer tights covering your legs. You rolled your eyes and excused yourself to your common room with a huge smile._

"Do you _mind?_ ” his face showed annoyance as his words drew out.

“I didn't see you at dinner.” you said simply, turning to see him enter and shut the door behind him.

“You seem to be the only one who read my absence as an invitation to help yourself into my living quarters.” Severus walked past you through his study, walking through his small living area that stood in between his bedroom and kitchen. You had followed him all the way in with out a second thought.

He turned, noticing you were still standing there. He sneered as he rolled his eyes, "What can I do for you, Miss (Y/N)?"

“Did you see my dad?” You asked suddenly. 

“Excuse me?” He asked sharply, his eyes piercing at you.

“At the battle. You know he died there, the same day you were said to have died. I know you know. Please, don't lie to me.” You said quickly at first and then you slowed as you got a little more emotional. You had blurted it out before you had even thought about what you were going to say, how you were going to convince him to talk.

“I have no idea what you are referring to.” He lied anyway.

Your eyes teared up as you faced looked him straight into his eyes. What was wrong with you? Don't do it. Don't cry. Even he was looking at you, his head tilted now. “Then excuse me, you must not be the man I thought I knew.” You said as you turned to walk away.

“That means, what?” He interrupted, now standing in front of his study door before you could exit. “Yes. I knew his whereabouts. What is it you suddenly care to know?”

“ _Suddenly care to know?_ ” You scoffed at him. “You knew how much he meant to me, you KNEW he was all I had after you. You couldn't even show up at his funeral. The least you can do is answer my questions.” Your eyes were heavy with hot tears. Your pride refused to let the tears fall. You were upset, your blood was boiling, and you had enough. You didn't get angry often. He knew this and he was watching as your face turned red. It was as if you could have started in on him and never ended, he was lucky you didn't go on.

“I was in attendance.” You heard his dark voice speak up slowly. “I left a lily.” Your favorite flower. Something that the two of you had bonded over early on, both of your love of lilies – even if they were of a different sort. _He was there._ Your eyes watered a little more.

“Did you see him, Sev?” you asked again, your voice pleading now.

He did not speak but you could see him unlock a small place in the wall with his wand and, inside, one small tiny box beside another longer box. He grabbed the longer one and walked back to you, handing it over. It was your father's wand.

It was a lot for you to take in at once, the day and everything else was taking it's toll on you emotionally. “Severus, this means the world to me.”

He excused himself with a small nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0wBrJHd9-A  
> Moving On & Getting Over - John Mayer


	7. Cool

A month of classes and passing each other in the hallway went by. There was one moment where you were both sitting in the staffroom beside each other and he asked how your classes were going. It was something that Levi gawked at you over from across the table, particularly because Snape was never one to be found socializing. In fact, he was the one who ignored many comments and questions thrown in his direction by colleagues. However, with you he took part in a slow, light conversation about certain students.

“Students talk about Muggle Studies as if it was a core class. Perhaps, (Y/N), you might consider taking on Harewood's position? Students might actually learn something then.”

Oh, right, there was the cold burn. You giggled at the comment as he left.

“Really? You think that's funny?” Levi rolled his eyes at you. “Since when are you and Snape cool anyway?”

Moments like those were the highlights of your day. You found yourself wondering if it was true – were you and Sev _cool_? Whatever that meant. Could it ever be really back to how it was?

That Saturday you had the weekend completely to yourself. Teachers really weren't required to accompany all students to Hogsmeade, however, a few professors were picked every weekend to poke in for a few hours to ensure the students weren't being a complete pain. This weekend you weren't chosen, which meant nothing because you were still getting ready to head out.

You arrived at the Three Broomsticks and were greeted by all the men at the bar, even students that sat at tables as you passed. You nodded and smiled, noticing a familiar face at the back of the pub. It was Levi.

“Are you on duty again? I bet the male students are all in here in ten minutes.” He teased you.

With a roll of your eyes, you laughed as you began your walk over. “I'm not. Believe it or not, I came here to read a little and get away.” It was true. Any other time, your friend's presence was a good thing. But today, you were looking to fulfill your introverted side's fantasies and be mostly antisocial.

 As you began over to share Levi's table you noticed to the right, in a darkened corner table under the stairs, Severus reading a book and it looked as if he was taking notes, too. You looked from that view and back to your friend.

 “I'm gonna sit over here, if you don't mind.” You said with a smile.

 “Say no more, hide away.” Levi answered, he was always so kind and understanding to your needs to be left alone. That was something that you really liked about him.

 You made your way to Severus' table and stood there. He did not look up, but you set your satchel on the chair across from him and pulled it out. That caused him to look up slowly, some of his messy black hair in his face.

 He said nothing but gave you a small nod and continued on with what he was doing. You took the seat across from him, happily ate up the silent presence, and began to read.

 After a few hours, he stood up and left his things on the table. This left you to look up. Levi had already gone, it was around 3pm and you could see him outside chasing some male students back to the school.

 “How admirable.” You heard his voice say as he took his place across from you, watching your expression as you watched your friend stress over the students. Severus slid a butterbeer over to you and nodded, as if to say 'take it'. You didn't comment on it, but accepted it and took a drink. “He is by far the easiest professor to make a fool of.”

 “Oh, come on. He's trying.” You laughed a little. “He's just a little... He'll come into his own soon enough.” You said, somehow trying to defend him but failing.

 He made a small, m _hmm_ sound in disagreement.

 As you turned again, you saw the students throwing the object Levi was trying to confiscate over his head.

 “I was honestly so terrified _I_ was going to be that professor.” You said softly, “This sounds bad, but, I'm glad it's not me.”

 “I knew you would be a great professor.” He defended you to yourself. “I always did.”

 “You just didn't realize it would be by teaching Muggle Studies.” You said for him.

 He was silent and went back to his book. Needing his attention back, you flicked your wand to save his place and close the book in front of him.

 “Was that gratifying?” he asked as he looked up at you and closed his notebook, as well.

 “Talk to me,” You said with a little smile. You closed your own book and pulled your knees up to your chest as you leaned your back against the wall. “I missed talking to you.” You admitted that a little easier than you should have. You had came to be left alone, but now you couldn't bare to be left alone.

 His eyes searched yours for answers. “Finish your glass.” He said after a long pause. “I must pass by Tomes and Scrolls before heading back to the castle.”

 Your eyes glimmered, that was an invitation.

 As you talked side by side in Tomes and Scrolls you both talked about books and why you disliked this one. Some he would argue with you about and forced you to buy a few to reread so you could _see how incorrect you were_.

 You couldn't help but smile. Your younger self would have died to be able to laugh and talk in public with him. And there you were, the two of you, spending time together much like you used to in private.

 He insisted on purchasing the books he picked for you. When he turned to grab another book he swore he had, you moved to grab however many sickles it came out to. He turned suddenly, “Put. It. Back.” He slammed his money on the counter and turned you by placing two hands on your shoulders and pressing you out towards the door. He followed behind after he secured the books.

You walked back together and you thought about what Levi had said the other day.

“This needs organization.” He muttered back, flipping some hair out of his face as he started on the books.

But you heard nothing, you simply admired the view you had at that moment. He caught your gaze and pretended not to notice, continuing to organize your books by alphabetical order.

"I'll be checking to ensure you finish your reading. And that my work here is not undone." He said as he looked over to admire his work and then to admire you, admiring his presence. "Next weekend. Can you manage this system until then?" He smirked.

You nodded and smirked back, "Why don't we make it Tuesday? I won't want it to get too out of hand." 

"Very well." He nodded in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6BBf3izzX0  
> Cool - Rachel Reinert


	8. Too Good to Be True

Tuesday came faster than you thought. This was a good thing because you were counting the days, classes, events until you had an excuse to be alone with Severus again. What happened to making him work for it? You had forgotten all about that. The beginning of the week was filled with laughter, classes, teaching your kids about pop culture in the muggle world, and going over curriculum with Levi during off periods. It was a really good week even with out all of that. The small smiles between Severus and yourself in the hallways and passing were enough to get you through.

As if life was on fast forward, you sat in your giant chair watching him huff over your books. You giggled a little once he noticed the first of few upturned books. 

"This is.. some sort of joke?" He asked, turning to you. He moved some of his messy dark hair off to the side with a shake of his head. "Wasting my time seems to be a hobby to you." He said again. At first it sounded harsh but as you watched, the corner of his mouth turned up to a smile. Turning then on the balls of his feet, he went back to the bookshelf. "Why don't we read one of your 'Muggle Favorites'." He taunted, reading the label you had made for the top shelf that contained some of your favorite reads. 

Some of the books, you collected from different trips or areas. You had personal notes and pictures as bookmarks in all of them. You used them as a sort of memory book. Every time you reread one of them, you were reminded of what you were doing at that point of your life, who you were with, and where you were. Your job with the ministry had taken you to different places, placed you in parts of the world, and you had many different experiences through out.

" _Pride and Prejudice_ ," he said, almost ridiculing you as soon as the title left his mouth. Your eyes glanced up. No. Please don't... He flipped through the small book that had written pieces of paper and photographs nearly falling out. "Is this how you care for your favorite books?" His eyebrows raised as he opened to one letter and you noticed him inhale a sharp breath before quickly turning to the next 'bookmark'. A dried daisy, a photograph of a young man by a fountain, and then he flipped faster through letters and other keepsakes until he landed on a picture of you and the man kissing. Severus slammed the book shut. "I suppose that's the answer to how you filled your time with out me." He said bitterly.

"Filled my time?" Your head moved to the side as you watched him start to dig through your other books. He was getting so angry he let the books fall to the floor before reaching for another, and another, and another until -- "STOP!" You started to pick some off the ground. "Quit it! You're going to lose what's inside of them!" You pleaded, now standing and grabbing at the book in his hands.

"What else are you hiding?" He asked, "What are you hiding? You spent the first few weeks making me feel miserable! AS IF YOU SPENT THOSE YEARS HEARTBROKEN!" He was talking so loudly, you were backed up against the wall now.

"I was broken. I was comple--" 

"You were doing just. fine. by the looks of it. Gallivanting in Paris, Christmases and holidays with this family, traveling together, and all with this... Is he.. Was he a muggle?!" His question sounded more like an accusation as he looked at you with his piercing black eyes. He was close, standing over you as you looked up at him.

"His name is Christopher." You said in a soft tone. "He was non magical, yes. You're correct."

"You're an utter embarrassment to witches everywhere." He spat. "Walking around as if you are a great witch, as if you're intelligent with every piece of our world, yet heroic because you  _chose_ to study muggles. You chose to study muggles because you were shacking up with one!" He was yelling now and you slowly started backing up into another corner of your room as he continued on. "The brightest witch of her age! WASTING HER YEARS! To romanticize life with a MUGGLE!" He was going in at you so heavily his hair had flipped over, standing out of place. You were trying to distract yourself from tears as you watched it until you heard, "Your mother must be _so_ proud."

"Shut UP!" You yelled, using both of your hands to push against his chest and get him away from you. "I DID  _NOTHING_ WRONG!" You were standing up after pushing him, your hands on fire from not only touching his chest but pushing him a few inches away from you as well. He was a big man and even moving him that little was a victory. 

"SILENCE!" Severus said, his words shaking the walls. As he spoke, a hand flew out towards you and sent waves through the air, pushing you back against the wall. What the hell? Was that... Did he just?

You drew your wand as a precaution. Sure, the relationship between you and Severus was never healthy but it had never gotten to the point of physical harm. Now you were scared. Was his force on purpose or by mistake? Even if it was mistaken, would it get worse with anger?

Though, upon seeing you draw your wand, Severus drew his and cast a spell that  _should_ have only disarmed you. "Expelliarmus!"

Right before he cast the spell, your door flew open and Levi ran to jump in front of you. The spell hit him and he slammed against the floor. 

"SEVERUS! What did you do?!?" You cried, running to where Levi laid on the floor. He was unconscious. Your eyes went back to Severus.  _That could have been you._ Levi had his wand in his hand, it should have just flicked to the ground instead of laying him on the floor motionless. Your dear friend had been hurt because of you. 

"T-That should not have happened. I used a simple spell." Severus said, obviously shaken by what had taken place. He looked into your eyes, you were crying even though you hadn't noticed. Upon seeing the tears he stepped back in regret. "I lost hold on my emotions, I--"

You hovered over the blonde haired man, moving a hand across his face. "Levicious," you said before wiping your eyes. "He was my best friend, Sev!" You cried then, unsure how that would hit him after you said it. There was a time when you would have said the same about Severus. Then Levi began to move, trying to sit up.

"Get out." You said to Severus. "Get out,  _now._ I can't stand to see you anymore!" By the time you moved your face up to look back at Severus, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09F4s4GQd2M  
> Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith


	9. Lay It All on Me

You spent that night watching Levi sleep deeply, though uncomfortably on your bed. He winced at times in his sleep from his body aching from the impact. You sat in your chair, wondering where everything went so wrong. There was so much to figure out... or was there? Now that Severus had made his intentions clear maybe it was best you stayed out of his way.

The one thing you knew would happen for sure was a meeting in the headmistress' office the next day. And, sure enough, after classes were over you received an owl requesting your presence at 5 o'clock sharp.

You weren't nervous about the entire situation. McGonagall had always been someone you looked up to, especially with trasfiguration being one of your best subjects. She had been constantly trying to get you away from your busy schedule to fully train you into an animagus, maybe that was why she wanted you to teach at Hogwarts so much. You hadn't quite figured that out yet.

“Harewood wishes me to not pursue any punishment on Snape. Do you agree with this?” McGonagall asked, looking over at you from where she was sitting.

“I wish whatever reasoning Professor Harewood has come to.” You answered vaguely. Though, you couldn't imagine _why_ he didn't want Snape punished. Levi had been utterly knocked out. Even you hadn't escaped harm. A small scratch on your cheek was shown from the night before - something from the backlash of whatever magic was used or backfired.

“Yes -- But... (Y/N), are you _okay_?” She asked, cutting to the chase.

“I will be.” You said, chewing on your lip. “My teaching will not be disturbed.”

“Very well.” McGonagall said in a saddened tone. “Do you have anything to say on Snape's behavior against Harewood?”

“I don't believe Professor Snape meant to cast such a strong spell. I believe his emo-- his anger took hold and released a stronger magic than he intended. Harewood merely intercepted between the two of us.”

“And thank goodness for that!” She said in a high pitched tone, as if she was astonished. “Even now, you defend his actions. I do not understand it. Let me guess, you do not wish me to pursue punishment either?”

Before that question, you had not thought about asking for him to be punished. Of course, you realized there would be repercussions, meeting in this office being one, but would _you_ ask it to be done? “No ma'am,” you said after a long pause. “Is this all? I'm sorry, if you mind?” If you go... If you run away. 

“You're dismissed.” She said, “And Miss (L/N), if you ever should need me – I am here.”

You got up to leave with an appreciative nod. As you went to exit the office, he entered. You stopped and so did he. You looked over him quickly.... Was that a look of _regret?_  Sorrow? With out time to decipher or defend him any more, you looked at the ground and walked around him to exit silently.

This was unhealthy. He could have gravely injured you if it wasn't for Levi. Yet, you were thinking about how he didn't _mean do it_. But, was that true? As you made your way back to your room, Levi stopped you and interrupted your thoughts.

“What happened? What did she say?” He asked, “Did you get in trouble?”

You shook your head, “No. She just asked if I agreed that Snape shouldn't be punished.” You turned your head at him. “Which, by the way, what?! You don't want him to be punished at all?”

“I did not do it for him to get punished.” Levi said, “I did it for _you_. I care about _you._ ”

You winced. He did it _for you._ You remained silent, opening your door and letting him enter. Maybe he would stop talking?

“(Y/N), you have to know how I feel about you. I came back to your room to tell you, to be honest with you, and I heard the yelling... That's when I ran in.” He explained as he walked into your room, turning to you as soon as you followed. “What's going on between you and Snape?”

Frozen, you chewed your lip and set your things down on your counter.

“It's... a long story.” You answered, your eyes darting around in hopes he would let it go.

“I have time.” He said back.

The night crept by as you told him about you and Snape's intricate past. You explained how it started, how it ended the first time, and how it started and ended this time. With none of the good parts left out and none of the bad parts left out. The argument was last on your list, you looked over at the books that laid all over the ground as you spoke.

“I thought things between us were... going back to how they were.” You said, shaking your head as you sat there, even more dumbfounded as before.

Levi had been mostly quiet the entire time you spoke which made you anxious. You watched his face, his expressions, but you couldn't tell what he was thinking.

“His loss.” He said finally, walking over to you and taking your hand in both of his. “Listen, (Y/N).. It's no secret, you're talented. You shouldn't have to prove it by doing what other wizards think is worthy. The fact that you walked away from everything to live your life is what everyone admires.”

You wanted to cry. Even though you had never needed that to go on, it was good hearing it. Your eyes moved down to his hands holding yours.

“But it's not even about that to him. That's just an excuse. You realize that, right?” Levi continued, looking at you as if he couldn't believe you didn't see through Snape's act. “He was jealous of Christopher." Levi said as he looked at some of the pictures of you and your ex. "And I don't blame him... I'd be jealous, too.”

Your cheeks turned red in response to, at first, his words. But, then, you felt his lips warm against yours. You bit your bottom lip afterwards and looked down at your lap – cheeks more crimson than before.

“Listen, I know you have a lot to work out.” You could hear him say, even though your head was spinning. “Just, promise me I'm somewhere in all of that... Mess you have spiraling in your mind right now.” He squeezed your hand.

"I don't want to hurt you," you managed to say. "This whole thing is messier than ever before."

"Then let me make it easier. Just lay it all on me." He smiled, moving to hug you close. "Are you going to be okay alone tonight?" He asked, "Or do you want me to stay and sleep on the couch?"

You nodded and he understood, walking over to settle on your couch. Somehow his presence, even across the room, made you feel better than before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntCMoh-0ogo  
> All On Me - Devin Dawson
> 
> Would any of you be interested in me creating this playlist on Spotify or Apple Music so you guys could follow it and listen? Let me know! :*


	10. Near to You

A few months had passed and you and Levi had grown closer. You had dates, there were seldom weekends that the two of you didn't spend every day together, and the more time you spent with him the less time you spent thinking of everything with Severus. Even Severus had noticed the growth between Levi and yourself, though he seemed less than happy about it, he did it to himself.

"I'm not ready for this break." Levi admitted to you as you sat by the lake together. 

You moved your hand in his, lacing your fingers. "Why are you so nervous? Things have been good, right? What could change?"

"Your mind." He said simply, looking at you with his piercing blue eyes. He was so charming. You had wondered to yourself many nights how you overlooked just how good looking he really was. "I know we aren't together yet and I'm happy with where we are, we're on the same page completely."

"But?" You asked, your hand had left his and now your arms curled around his bicep. Oh, yeah. He was pretty fit, too. You let your fingers press into his skin, almost nagging his face to look down at yours. "Don't overthink. I'm here, okay? How I feel about you won't change over a matter of a few weeks." 

"How _do_ you feel?" He asked, looking down at you. You were puzzled, looking away slowly and chewing your lip. "See, you're not even sure."

"But that won't change!" You teased, laughing. A joke to push away the emotional conversation, something you dreaded. Your face leapt up to peck a kiss against his lips. "I genuinely know that I am better when I'm near to you. I just... I can't help but still be cautious." You were still badly wounded and, for the most part, he knew and understood that. "I can't tell you how truly appreciative and grateful I am for you for healing me the way you have. It's just not fair for me to agree to be yours with out knowing where _I_ am."

"I know, I know that." Levi said, his voice empathetic. "I know you're trying to please everyone here. Just promise me at the end of the day, you do what makes you happy... Even if that ends up not being me."

You laid your head against his shoulder. What did you do to deserve such a good person in your life? You couldn't think of any reason but you thought it was best to not overthink that. Levi and yourself had many deep conversations and there were times where you felt your heart warm the way you never thought you'd experience again.

Unfortunately, Levi himself couldn't keep the Christmas Holiday break from coming quicker than the two of you expected. It was the day he and the students would make their ways home. On the way out of your last class, a sweet curly haired student named Ellie handed you a navy and silver bag. “For you and Mr. Harewood! See you after the holiday!”

The girl's friend Taye also handed you a present and giggled. “For our gift we want you two to finally date! You'd be the sweethearts of Hogwarts!”

“You're so lucky, Miss (L/N)!” The Ellie said with a deep sigh.

You wanted to roll your eyes but instead you just laughed, “Oh, girls.” You shook your head at them softly, “As one of my old professors used to say: I don't believe in luck, I believe in preparation! Don't forget your homework over the break!!”

The girls giggled as they both walked off.

As you started to walk, the same professor you quoted cut you off as he darted after a student who was doing lord knows what wrong. You stood still, you couldn't help but watch as Severus passed.

“Are you sure you won't come with me?” Levi's hands moved over your shoulders from behind, as if he was convincing you. “Surrey is a big place, my place has plenty of room for you... now... Thanks to Hogwarts salary.” He gave you a big teethy grin.

You laughed and rolled your eyes. “I'm sure.” You moved to give him a hug as you saw his bags nearby. “It's going to be weird not seeing you for such a long time.” You had a harder time showing your emotions. Levi was the opposite of you – while Snape was the same as you. It made sense. Your similarities, the two of you did have the same birthday after all.

Coming back down the hall, Snape momentarily paused at the sight of you and Levi embracing still. He continued on after a few awkward moments.

“Did you ever decide if you were going to your dad's old place?” Levi said to change the silent subject from Severus' presence.

You noticed Snape's footing stall again, his walking nearly come to a stop while he waited for your reply. “Yeah, I'm going home. It's my place now, I just never thought I'd have to go back alone. It's only right, it's been 4 years." You said. You really had neglected this task for far too long. There was no telling what state the house would be in.

“I'll go with you.” Levi replied. His tone made you roll your eyes.

“I don't need you to go with me. I can handle it on my own.” You started to bicker already. You two had had this argument before. You hated that he felt like you _couldn't_ do it on your own. You didn't see it how he did. He hated that you _wanted_ to do it on your own. You noticed Snape float away out of the corner of your eye.

“I know that.” Levi said sternly. He had learned to be just as hardheaded as you were, which had kind of made you more attracted to him in certain moments. “It isn't that you can't do it on your own, it's that you shouldn't have to.” You looked down, the bickering had led you two back in your classroom. He moved his hands along your waist and kissed you against your nose. “But this is something you need to do alone. I know, I can't hold you back.” He said, sounding slightly defeated. “I'll miss you, though.”

You nodded. “I'll miss you, too.” You managed to say, causing a smile to curl on his lips. You reached forward and gave him a soft kiss, “Don't forget to write me.”

“Don't forget – your birthday. When we get back, that's the first thing we're celebrating.” He reminded you as he gave you another kiss. “So come back a day early, so we have time.”

With a roll of your eyes, you nodded again. You couldn't help but smile more, though. As much as you'd deny it, you were starting to fall for him more and more. You tried to remind yourself to remain cautious but something about him made your walls weaken.

You followed him out with the students. As the train started, you waved the students and your “friend” off. Returning his smile as you saw it through the window, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as it disappeared in the distance. You were better near to him but what was going to happen when you weren't near him? The same worry he had expressed to you earlier started to sink in.

When you turned to return to the castle, you saw Severus waiting for you. He looked nervous, moving on the balls of his feet back and forth slowly until you reached him.

“Is it true? You're coming home?” Severus asked as his eyes shifted down upon realizing he said 'coming home' instead of 'going home.' He walked into the castle with you, “Your father, he..”

“Don't try to stop me. I know I haven't exactly been back to care for anything, I know what's waiting.” You said, looking up and making eye contact for the first time since the fight. His eyes seemed to soften as they met yours.

“I have had it taken care of.” He said simply. He had been waiting for you to go back for years. “Please, let me know if anything is out of place. I'll be at my residence.” With a nod, Severus walked off and was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_CwkdXfAhg  
> Near To You - A Fine Frenzy
> 
> Link to entire playlist:  
> https://spoti.fi/2MlWjWv


	11. Cokeworth

You decided to take the train home. You slept and woke up a few times. As soon as you started to get too antsy it was time to go. You exited the train and looked around, you felt like you were sent back 10 or 12 years. Cokeworth looked the same. You walked with your small briefcase that had been enchanted to hold everything you could have possibly thought of.

Since you were a child, you never could understand why so many people spoke poorly of Cokeworth. You thought the dark, rainy atmosphere was a beautiful greyscale over the entire town. You always loved this town. You hadn't been back since you graduated and, as you stood at the door of your old home where you and your dad moved after his divorce with your mom, you were reminded of why.

You leaned your back against your door and looked straight down the street and saw Spinner's End. Severus' family home was the last home on the street. Exactly 20 or 24 paces, if your memory hadn't failed you. As your eyes scaled up his home, you saw a dark figure peer out of his window. A pain hit your chest. Of course, he was home. He had said so, hadn't he?

No town in the entire world had ever hit you the way this town hit you. Seattle came close with it's rainy and dark skies but nothing made the world black and white quite like Cokeworth. Severus continued to peer down at you and you felt as if you he felt the pain you did as you stood there looking back. A slow tear made it's way down your face. 10 years later. He was still too close. Or was he not close enough?

After a few moments of working up the strength, you turned and opened the door. The scent hit you first. Your eyes watered even more. You reached into your bag and pulled your dad's wand out, placing it on the wall over the fireplace with a flick of your own wand.

There was a vase of Madonna Lilies on the table in the small kitchen with something scribbled on a piece of parchment:

 

“ _The hard parts have been taken care of. All items in the box at the bottom of his closet. - Sev”_

 

You walked in your kitchen. Your dad worked a lot when you were young, especially after the divorce to maintain your needs and eventually ensure you never needed _anything._ In fact, the only reason your father kept you both in Cokeworth was because you _begged_ him not to move. You loved the town. You knew Severus was a professor but, at the time, you had no idea the impact he would have on your life.

You took the rest of the night to look around. He had replaced his personal items that were of no strong need to you, to save you from having to relive it all. Most people would have been upset, it was personal, but what hit you more than your father's scent was remembering how well Severus knew you. Regardless of how long ago this was done, before your recent fights, he still cared enough about you to take care of things he didn't have to. It wasn't that he to boxed up your dad's toothbrush but not his cologne, but that he knew the difference. The fact that he loved you so immensely that he meticulously knew there  _was_ a difference.

You opened your father's old closet, looked inside the box, and after hours of looking through it you finally walked upstairs to your bedroom. It was the biggest room in the house. The downstairs started similar to how Severus' house was laid out, a living area filled with books (the books you wrote were all faced out in pronounced areas and a second copy of each on the coffee table) and one wall with out that held the fireplace, behind a wall held the kitchen, and through the kitchen was the door to your father's old room. His room was small and simple, just enough to serve it's job. He was working most of the year in different areas of the world, it only made sense.

Your room took the entire upper floor. Much like the bottom floor, the stairs led into a study area which had all the walls set with books. One small area of the wall where your desk was inset was the only area that was bare of books. On the opposite wall of books, in the middle, was a door that led into your room. Your room was simple, too. A queen sized bed and a large bench next to your window.

You were quiet for a week or so. You slept, rarely made your way to even eat, and occasionally you'd walk to the window just to see if he would still be there. He was. Each time. The living room table was now covered in about 4 or 5 letters from Levi. It was snowing outside when you woke up that morning, your owl knocking on your bedroom window with another letter. You let it in. “On the coffee table, please, Luna.” The owl flew downstairs and relaxed next to the warm fireplace.

It was as if you were in a daze. As you looked out of the open window, you saw him in his again. Was there any way you'd ever be rid of this man? Even if you wanted to, it seemed impossible sometimes. You wanted to be annoyed but in a pang of emotions you knew: he was worried about you. He knew how you tended to be when left to your own devices. Even more so, he knew how you loved your father.

With a whistle, Luna the owl returned to you. You went to your desk and scribbled on another piece of parchment:

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

It was simple but it was all that needed to be said. Making your way downstairs, you noticed the flowers were enchanted to stay alive. You pulled on some of your fluffy boots and a jacket and started to walk.

In a few moments, you arrived. The door opened as soon as you stood in front of it and you were pulled in. “Are you insane? It's snowing out.” His dark voice said as you shivered a little. Severus' home wasn't _warm_ exactly. Yours was vibrant the second you stepped foot inside, Severus' stayed monotonous even once inside the door.

“Do you -,” but before you could ask, he moved you to the couch and handed you a warm cup of tea.

“Drink.” He said, “Warm up.”

You nodded as you sipped the tea. Once you warmed up, you looked over at him. He was sitting next to you in absolute silence but he was still. Still as a statue he sat, as if he was waiting to burst with something big.

“I am deeply apologetic.” He said, while you were unable to argue. (Your lips were carefully trying to drink the hot tea.) “You have always been... One of the only persons to ever see my true intentions from the start. You always believed in me. Even when I did not believe in myself.”

All you could do was sip and blink over at him. Well?! He was right. And he did owe you an apology, why should you stop him now? Besides, the tea was good and warm and you were barely starting to feel your toes again.

“You should know,” He said then, more intense than before. Severus turned to you more and leaned in, brushing his hand over the back of yours, against the cup. “I would never hurt you, (Y/N). I was... Furious seeing you with someone else. However, that was no excuse.” You instantly parted your lips from the cup.

“Christopher was my job. He was investigating wizards in America and my job was to get as close as I could get to ensure their safety. The muggles are still very tense to magical sorts.” You finally said. “And then, one day, he proposed.” Severus' eyes darted to yours. “And I obliviated him and his family.”

“You had no choice. If he was dangerous,” Severus knew the guilt you felt. “You do know it is something that has to be done to maintain our freedom to live this life. The war that could ensue – the possibilities that could become reality..”

“I know,” You nodded. “I know.” You moved your hand to lace with his fingers with out even thinking.

“ _I must ask you to end my agony,_ ” Severus said, after a long pause. “I love you.” He continued, but looked into your eyes. “ _Most ardently._ ”

You looked up and laughed. “Severus Snape,” you clicked. “My _muggle favorite?_ ” A smile came over your face. It wasn't the same smile you gave Levi, it was a smile that hadn't graced your face in a long time. It was an infectious, wide grin that almost always came with a small, happy giggle. He couldn't get enough of it, especially because he seemed to be the only man who could cause it. “Do you understand you've read to me a dialogue that I hold as one of the most romantic in all of the novels I have ever read?” You asked, pulling your hand so his was in your lap as you held it.

“I only know what it made feel and who it made me think of. That was you. Only you.” He said in his slow draw. That was important. You didn't require being assured Lily was out of his mind, you never did. You had always been as understanding as you could have been, but for him to say this made your heart beat out of your chest.

“I understand what you and Harewood have –,” Snape continued, Oh. God. You forgot about Levi.

“We're not dating.” You said suddenly full of guilt, almost defending yourself. “We're... Taking things slow.” Whatever that meant. If it were up to Levi, you two would be living together by now. Not that you didn't like him, you did. You just... Found yourself at Severus' door step? What?

“We have been out of place with each other for ten years.” Severus said, holding your hand now in both of his. It was almost as if to say, 'it's okay'. “However the odds may be, we continue to end up like this.” He raised your hands and you looked down, blushing softly. He was right. “Why not use this time to reevaluate what we are, want to be, and what future that may look like together? Slowly, as Harewood and yourself.”

You were let down. That wasn't so romantic.

“It is agony to share you.” Severus said, causing you to look at him again. “It's even more agony to grow even one day older with out you. beside me.” There was the romance you hoped for. “However, I do not want to rush you. I want you to be happy, for work to be as cordial as possible between all three of us. If that should mean we remain only friends, so be it.” It was almost as if you could _feel_ his heart twinge at the thought of the last part being a potential reality.

He loved you. He didn't always say it or express it well, but he always _showed_ you his ardent love with his actions. They weren't always known to you at first, which showed a much more powerful love. He didn't do those things to get in to your good graces he only did them to take care of you. That was a love you couldn't explain. A self giving love, a love you used to think he only gave to _her._ But, all along, he was giving it to you with out your knowledge.

Taking things slow made sense. Things could have changed between the two of you. You both needed to be sure. Except, you didn't need time, did you? You knew, deep inside how you _desired_ Severus. The two of you had history. Was that something you were willing to let go of? Were you crazy for still feeling that way after everything?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11 Blocks - Wrabel  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbBobU_gZVA  
> (PS this song is PERFECT!! Lol! Gives me total shivers)
> 
> What should be in the next chapter? Some lusty Snape/Reader? More Levi/reader? Hmmmm!!! Help me out, what do you think?


	12. 'Til The Gravity's Too Much

As you got home after a few hours of catching up, you felt so much better than you had in _years_. Things made sense. It fell into place. The misunderstandings, the accidents, and everything that led up to all became connecting dots. You got into the shower and let the water fall over you. You were tired and the water felt good. It was as if you had been in a saddened, melancholy daze over the days before you saw and reconnected with Severus. There was just one thing... Now that you left his presence you felt alone. Then you noticed the pile of letters on the table. Oh, yeah. Levi. Why did you continue to forget about him? Changing into your nightshirt, you decided to face the letters.

You sat on the couch with a hot cup of coffee. This was a bad habit you had – drinking coffee well into the night. Picking your hair up in a ponytail, you started to open the letters up one by one. You found yourself laughing, then grinning at parts you didn't know you'd ever think were funny, and finally you got teary on some of his later letters.

 

' _You must be busy, I understand you need to be alone. But... I miss you. Please return a letter soon. - Levi.'_

 

What did you say to that? You opened another:

 

_'(Y/N), this is unbearable and unacceptable. I can't stand not hearing from you. If I don't hear soon, I will leave my holidays here and come to you. You cannot do it alone. I will not allow the woman I love to go through it. - Levi.'_

 

LOVE? You gulped. As you read, you felt more and more... claustrophobic as you made your way through his worrisome letters and then it hit you: you had only been preoccupied by Severus for a few hours. Today. He had been stress writing you for a week while you were simply... mourning. Suddenly you felt the walls closing in. Your mind wrapped back around what he wrote: ' _the woman I love'._ Your pulse quickened. What did you say to that? Especially when, for you, it had never even really began between the two of you.

Stressed, you found yourself standing and pulling your boots back on and heading for the door. The only person you knew who would make you feel better was just a moment away. Why were you running to Severus _again?_ You couldn't help it, or stop yourself. Before you could even make one step you were stopped by a tall, dark man.

“Sev..” you breathed, “I was... Just about to run over to see you.” How did he know? He couldn't have but, then, _why_ did he come? Had he changed his mind? Your eyes searched his dark ones as he looked over you.

“23 steps,” Severus said, “You would think one would have forgotten something like that.” You turned to look at his face. He was clearly taken by everything going on, too. Okay, well maybe he didn't have a needy, romance obsessed friend writing him compulsively but he was in the same boat as you were. He couldn't stop thinking about you, either.

All you could do was snake your arms around his waist, letting your body hug his, and your head fall against his chest. You needed the embrace. The moment you felt his arms around you, things slowed back down, the walls backed up to their rightful spots. You could breathe again.

There were very few things that could silence and change professor Snape's mood, direction, or decision about pretty much anything. You were one of those few things. He stood there, moving a hand through your hair. You didn't realize it but he needed the embrace just as much as you did.

“Should I be honest with Levicious?” You asked after a few moments. You could hear an audible groan in his throat, “Honest about what's going on... here. With you and I? He's been writing me and I haven't been answering.”

“How long as he been writing?” He asked, still moving his fingers through your hair.

“Since I've gotten here... So almost two weeks now.” You answered after a long pause. You expected him to follow with 'Why didn't you write him sooner?' but he didn't, instead he said something totally different.

“You can only blame me for today.” He smirked, giving you a click as he pulled away to look into your eyes. You weren't writing him for a reason other than Severus which meant you weren't as into Levi as he was you. “He can wait a few more hours.” After that, his lips were against yours. As much as you wished you could have found _any_ sort of cool in that moment – you failed. Your body fell into his and your lips continued against his lips.

“Severu--,” You said as you slowly caught your breath.

“Silence.” He muttered after another, much rougher, kiss. His hands pressed against your hips and you had to take a step back from his forceful lips. Forceful, but it was sexy. The months of tension had somehow built up to this, hadn't they?

Yet, each kiss contained about 10 years of even more unresolved passion, anger, love, and a hot emotion that combined all of those that you could only describe as _red_. The color when you closed your eyes the moment you felt his tongue slide against yours was red. The heart beating in your chest – red. You almost imagined the warmth between your legs was some lascivious version of the color red, too. With absolutely no control, your hands gripped into his robes and you led your bodies over to the kitchen table. Your lips were in his neck, kissing and biting down gently until his body moved in the same direction as yours.

Stumbling to continue to kiss while you were walking and tearing his long robes off, his hands slid up under your nightshirt against your bare thighs, setting you on top of the table. Severus stood over you with his own robes trailing from the door to the kitchen, standing in a half unbuttoned black shirt and his grey slacks. He lifted your nightshirt over your head and kissed across your shoulders, down over your collarbone.

“I thought we were taking things slow.” You said with a little grin, looking down into his eyes as he looked up into yours.

“10 years is as respectable a pace as any.” Severus said in a sultry tone, kissing your lips deeply before kissing down your throat and over your breasts. He took one hand to grasp one of your breast as his mouth engulfed the other, lapping his warm tongue over your nipple and hardening it upon contact. You couldn't help but moan, your head leaned back as you held yourself up with your hands pressed against the wooden table.

You had been with only 1 other man besides Severus, Christopher. And you were forced to pretend like you _enjoyed_ that other man for over two years of your life. This was beyond second level pleasure. To make things even worse, Severus showed everything he remembered about your likes and dislikes alarmingly well. You were so lost in the feeling of every kiss, in each dip his tongue took, that you began to lose track of the fact that his mouth had ended up against your stomach and he was heading lower.

“Am I moving too... _quickly?_ ” He teased. You laughed, pressing his black, unruly head of hair down in a playful manner. In a moment, his tongue began to pet you over your panties, licking and lapping at you as if you weren't already wet enough. Laying you down against the table, his mouth continued over you, moving the fabric aside long enough just to slide one of his thick, pale fingers deep inside of you. You were panting, writhing in pleasure before he pulled the fabric some more and finally let his mouth suck against your lips. As he lapped more, you came sooner than you expected, still gasping for air once he let up.

Getting him to be comfortable being naked around you at all was a feat even before. It was something you knew he was insecure about, so you kissed down the bit of his chest that showed. Your hands moved to the waist of his pants and you removed them. He was already stiff and shown well enough through his boxers as you stroked him over the material as your lips interlocked.

Standing you up, he moved you to lean over the counter. Severus pressed his lips against your shoulder blade as he slowly entered you from behind, his thick and hard cock pressing deep into you, forcing you to grip the cabinets for support. As he thrust in and out of you, his lips kissed up your neck and eventually caught your lips as you leaned back towards his lips.

He was hungry for you and you felt every ounce of his hunger, his head resting on your shoulder as he thrust into you. Once he finished inside you, Severus peppered small kisses against your shoulder some more. He moved to turned you and lift you up, carrying you up to your bedroom.

You stood on the mattress of your bed, moving your small hands over the buttons of his shirt as he watched your fingers. His face was unsure. “You forget how well I know you, too.” You said with a loving smile, comforting him into a smile as well. You cupped his long face in your hands, kissing him easily. Button by button, his shirt was taken off. You moved on your knees and, with a tug, his boxers fell to the floor. Taking his hand then, you pulled him into the bed with you. You laid back, feeling his head nestle between your chest, his arms around you and his fingers sliding around your sides.

As he laid there, you couldn't help but smile. It took a lot for him to be this vulnerable and raw. “Should it have been that easy?” You heard him say, his lips moving against your skin as he spoke. “Being that reckless? With out even thinking, second nature took over as it seems. But that easy? Or did we stumble ourselves into something treacherous once more?”

His guard was down. He was naked emotionally, physically. He was letting his emotions show, sharing them with you out in the open. Kissing the top of his head, you just took the moment in before answering.

“I think if we stop trying to figure it out, it could be.” You said, you were leaning your chin against the top of his head now. “And, maybe, we've just worked through all the hard things there could be.”

You heard something rare then: Severus laughed.

“Yes, well.” He was still laughing, “I'm not certain there is too much left to go through that we haven't already.” Life hadn't been the kindest to your love. As much as you tried to go the opposite way, eventually, the gravity was just too much. This time, you just prayed it left you alone right where you were.

“ _In vain I have struggled,_ Mr. Darcy.” You said with a smile as he looked up at you. “ _It will not do_.” He loved your silly quips, this was no exception. You could always bring a smile to his face.

Of course, Severus' lips turned into a small half-smile and, reaching to kiss you, he moved so you were laying against him now. “You are the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen.” He ran his fingers through your hair as his eyes looked you over. “It almost hurts to see how beautiful you are, at times.”

You just blushed, shaking your head. “You're just biased, Sev. You said the same when I was nothing but skin, bones, and kneecaps.”

“Your mind is at times the most breathtaking thing about you. However, you are dangerously skilled in both beauty and brains. It has always been beyond me how one could achieve so much of both.” He said, his hands massaging your back.

“That's exactly how I feel about you.” You said, causing his cheeks to flush. He had never been able to understand what you saw in him: he was older, stiff, to many his personality lacked, but you always saw everything he tried to not show. He was caring, handsome, poised, and his intelligence was the very first thing you had noticed and admired about him. Unlike most students, you had never been afraid of his rough exterior. After a few moments of soothing back rubs from his rough, large hands against your bare back you began to drift. As you drifted to sleep, you thanked God for the power of gravity.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY GUYS, I am **SUPER** nervous about this chapter but I hope you guys love the fluff!!! Let me know what you guys think :-* Also, if you have any song suggestions drop them in the comments!! :) They help with inspo (if you couldn't tell already)!
> 
> Also, two songs for this chapter because I couldn't choose:
> 
> Treacherous - Taylor Swift  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cOqgarjuRc
> 
> Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5EnGwXV_Pg


	13. The Truth Can't Hurt You, It's Just Like The Dark

The next morning you woke up against his chest. He was still sleeping which was slightly unusual but you just smiled and got dressed quietly. It was still snowing and for some reason you finally felt a pull to reply to Levi. Pulling on a pair of leggings and a maroon sweater, you pulled you hair up and slipped some long wool socks to keep your feet warm, and made your way downstairs. Your body avoided the living room where his letters sat and instead you stood in the kitchen making coffee. Flicking your wand, you looked over the room and let the memories from the night before replay in your mind. Then, you heard his words he spoke to you when you were in bed together: _should it have been this easy?_

He had always been your only downfall. Granted, you would have changed nothing about it for anything in the entire world. He had hindered your heart from love you deserved for a long time. You had been wounded and were barely healing with Levi. _Should_ it have been that easy for him? Did he expect the problems you both faced to disappear after last night? You didn't know. And that was the problem for you. You didn't know. You were tired of waiting and holding out to _not know_ what the man you loved intended with you. You were in such a daze of thought, you almost forgot about the hot coffee in the press waiting for you.

You grabbed your favorite mug. It was one that changed colors with your moods, your dad had bought it for you for your 13th birthday. He had said, ' _Now that you're a teenager, I'll need this to determine what kind of mood you'll be in that moment.'_ A smile curled on to your face and the cup turned a bright yellow color as your hands curled around the warm cup and walked it to the table in the living room.

After a few sips, you set the cup down on the table and sat on the floor. A flick of your wand and the fireplace was cracking with the sound of warm, burning wood. Minutes flew by and all you had managed to scribble out in your feminine cursive handwriting was his name. Your brows furrowed as you sighed and when you reached to grab your cup for another sip it turned beige. Uncertain.

After an hour and two cups of coffee, you peered down at one small paragraph.

_Levi,_

_I apologize for the lack of communication. I was overcome by many emotions that came hand in hand with returning home for the first time after my father's death. I know I owe you more than excuses and a weeks late letter, but that is the only one I have. I know that your affections for me have seemingly grown more than I could have ever imagined and that touches me, your friendship has always been one of my biggest treasures. It pains me to disappoint you. I'm afraid, however, I must. I know not where my mind is even still, after an hour of staring at this parchment. I do, however, know where my heart is and that remains with Severus. A lot has changed in the matter of 24 hours. A lot has happened that keeps me unsure as ever. I don't expect it from you but I pray that one day our friendship can rebuild itself. I can honestly say that your friendship has been the unwavering confidence that has kept me going many days this year. It pains me to put that in danger by hurting you now. It was nothing you did and I wish that I had another reason other than the history between Severus and I and the love that comes in hand with that history. I hope you understand._

_Sincerely,_

_(Y/N)_

You took one last sip of your coffee as you read over the letter. With a simple whistle, Luna took it and flew off. You had never been unsure of your and Levi's friendship like you were then but you knew it would have eaten at you if you hadn't told him the truth. Whatever happened with Severus, you weren't ready.

“Is light yellow the color of pure contentment?” You heard Severus' sleepy voice ask from the stairwell. You set your cup down and smiled.

“I believe it is, yes.” Better than beige. Much better.

 

* * *

 

Another week flew by and you hadn't received any response from your letter to Levi. It surprised you that he had nothing to say but Severus had maybe been right, maybe he had nothing constructive to write in return. You had to agree with that. You couldn't see Levi doing anything if there was nothing but malice behind it.

As far as you and Severus, you were spending more time together. Slowly, things moved to the two of you seeing each other every day. The both of you knew there was a lengthy conversation that needed to be put in place but, for awhile at least, it seemed the both of you just wanted to enjoy the beginning of whatever the two of you had restarted.

“You do know tomorrow is Christmas Eve,” you said as you walked in to the living room with a bowl of your favorite snack.

His eyes moved up from the book he was reading to meet yours for a few seconds before going back to his book. “To think I almost forgot... Pity.” He said in a sarcastic tone.

He was never one for holidays but you were. Especially when it came to Christmas. It was always your mother's favorite holiday and you got to get spoiled by going to a ton of muggle Christmas traditions around that time of year. Every year since, you made sure to travel back to the same celebrations.

You walked up to him and moved his book, marking his spot and setting it down. Sitting in his lap, you looked up at him. He rolled his eyes and looked away from you. “Sev --” you said, whining a little.

“No.” He answered quickly, looking back at you. “It's too dangerous for you. What would I do if I couldn't protect you?”

“It's just New York. It's New York at _CHRISTMAS TIME._ ” You said, your hands cupping his face so he'd look at you. “Please, I promise. Christopher is miles from there. I travel every year alone and I'm just fine."

He was silent but his eyes looked you over. “No.”

You were a little hurt. But, hellbent, you stood up and started to put your shoes on.

“Where. Are. You. Going?” He asked in the most irritated tone you had heard in a long time from him. Or maybe it just seemed like a long time. “You cannot go. I will not lose you, you will stay here with me.”

“I always go, it's important to me. My _mom_ will be there.” As you said that, you both froze.

“My love,” He said softly as he stood and moved to hold your wrists, moving your arms around him. “I lost my first love. I will not lose you, too. I don't care who will be there.” Especially not your mom, he thought, but it was good of him not to say that exactly then.

The small inference of comparison between you and Lily irritated you. “For one, I'm not _stupid._ You're the only one I've told. I arrive in a different place every time. I'm not scared of death. I can take care of myself because I've always had myself. And she didn't love you, I did. _I_ loved you first. I'd appreciate if, for once, you'd accredit that to me.”

He was stunned, and so were you. Every time he mentioned you or mentioned her as his first or best, any comparison words that made you lesser always got under your skin but you never _said it_.

“I don't ask for it to be written in the sky, I just ask that you realize it.” You said softly, “Now, I want you to come with me, share this with me. But I wasn't asking you for permission.”

Severus nodded and after a long pause replied, “Go on then.” He made a small wave off at you, which you scoffed at. Was he serious? You didn't say anything but you flicked your want and didn't just take what you needed on the trip but _everything_ you had in his house flew into your bag in moments. His hair flipped as he looked back at you. Then, he knew, he made a mistake. But it was too late, you had already gone out by floo powder to your location in New York.

You sat in the hotel you had rented from a nice magician you met the year prior. The only way you could tell witches and wizards now was a small, white tattoo on the inside of their right index finger. It was in the shape of the deathly hallows. You also had it tattooed one of the first years you traveled with your dad after your mother's passing.

“No more moping,” you said easily to yourself, looking down and chewing your lip. Why did you react like that? Why did you have such a quick temper suddenly? Sure, it had been some time. You were tired of sharing him but you usually had such grace with him. It was Christmas day and you were wishing, for once, you weren't there. You wished you didn't leave. You always came for Christmas no matter what but for some reason, you couldn't shake the feeling at the bottom of your stomach.

Once the night hit you decided to go out for dinner before the lights and christmas carols in Times Square. You knew your mother's path: dinner at her favorite restaurant, cider at the corner coffee shop, and christmas carols. You ate and smiled as you saw her from the corner of your eye. She entered and sat, ordered the same meal. You felt a little better, a small sigh exited you as if you were relieved.

Maybe that's why you were on edge. Christmas wasn't just a holiday but it was the one time every year you saw your mom. Ever since your father's passing, you got more and more nervous that one day she wouldn't show.

After your meal, you walked off to the coffee shop where she had already headed. You looked down to check your phone to no calls, no emails. He didn't even call to check on you? “Asshat,” you said softly under your breath before some large man bumped into you passing. “Oops, sorry si--” As you apologized you looked and noticed she was gone. “Mom?” You heard yourself blurting out loud, looking around like a lost deer. A couple of people stared at you. None were her.

You rushed inside, looked around, and saw no sight of her. That's fine, right? There were other coffee shops for sure. You turned the corner, nothing. Suddenly your heart quickened and you saw a flash of her (your hair color). “Mom.” You said, where was she going? She was walking as if she had lead in her feet but moving quickly. You ran, catching up to her in an alley between one of the main streets. You ran, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around. Her eyes were gray. She'd been bewitched.

“She can't hear you.” You heard a voice say.

Instantly, you started crying. “Don't hurt her please, please.” You turned to face him, tears in your eyes. “Christopher, I beg you. Take me. I'll give you my wand. Whatever you want just, please. Please let her go.”

Christopher laughed, making a face as if he was thinking about it. “Oh, let her go? With out what?” He snatched your wand, making a fake swoosh as if he was making fun of you. “Manipulating her?” He looked at you, a deep, hollow window in each of his eyes. “Like you left my family alone? Like you could have... Right?”

You took a step back, but there were people there. A group of men, one holding your mother and one holding.... Was that _... “LEVI?”_ you wailed, “No, please.” You turned back to him, grabbing his jacket. “Please, please. Let them go, please. It's my fault, not theirs. They didn't do anything.”

“Take them.” Christopher said to his men. “Don't touch them, yet. Let's see what she can do for us first.”

You took a gulp. You had practiced some transfiguration with Minerva through out the year but it was no way deep enough or consistent enough to try to turn now. You'd put yourself in danger, things could go terribly wrong and... In the middle of New York. No, you couldn't.

Feeling dumbfounded, you let him tear your arm in his direction, his hands moving your hair so your neck was revealed. “You grew your hair.” Christopher said softly, his lips so close you could feel them on your skin. Your eyes watered again. _Severus was right_. You were in danger. And you fought with him. The last time you saw him you _hurt_ him. He'd hurt you, sure, but you'd never been the one to cause him pain. Now look at you.

Christopher took in your scent with a loud sniff then ran his tongue against your neck, pressing a disgustingly cold kiss on the side. Levi yelled out as he was being drug off. You heard someone hit him hard with something that sounded heavy and then... Silence.

“You should... Cooperate. Things could end well if you do.” He said into your ear, sucking on it softly. “And I don't like the hair.” He said, pulling a knife from his pocket and pulling it out, chopping eight inches off in a rough swing. The knife was blunt and the tug caused tears of pain to fill your eyes. “See? It's good now. Just like I remember.” You shook as he pushed a few strands of hair behind your ear and tugged you in against his chest, his nose against yours. “And, yes, _I remember._ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! I got a promotion at work and things have been NUTSO!! I will try to update again on Sunday!! Also -- big thanks to Kyrah_Dee for the Samson inspiration! I hope I did you right with this! It was so good in kickstarting all of this dramatic ass chapter!!!
> 
> 2 songs this week:
> 
> Samson - Regina Spektor  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8
> 
> I Want You - Elvis Costello  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY71zqHfHKI
> 
> What will happen next?! And where the flip is Severus? LOL. Keep the songs coming! I'm excited to see what you guys think! Tell me where y'alls minds go with this!!


	14. What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

When you finally woke up, it felt as if months had gone by. You couldn’t tell what was going on or where you were. All you could see was a small window with the faintest amount of light peering through. The only thing that took your attention was the sound of metal scraping the floor. It was Levicious, he was sliding a cup over to you with his feet.

“You were out for two days here and there. You’d come to only when he came around to force feed you water.” He was speaking to you almost as if there was pity in his tone. And once you looked up to him you didn’t realize it but your face was asking another question, even though you didn’t realize it.

“No,” Levi said after a moment of you both looking at each other. “There hasn’t been… Any sign of Severus.” There it was, that was why there was a heavy tone of pity in every word. You’d been there, more broken over Severus than what was to come.

“W-where is my -,” Your words were interrupted by Christopher’s footsteps. He had your wand in his hand.

“Your mom is in a safe place. I can’t have her being ruined by two little witchy poos now, can I?” He said, with a wide grin, and slouched down to sit between you and Levi as if he’d be joining in the conversation.

“You really don’t get how fucking stupid you sound when you say that, do you? Cute.” You sneered, the sleep had made you less scared and more…. highly annoyed with the situation. “Now, what are you getting at? Why are we still here?" 

Christopher gave you a laugh while Levi looked like he was about to faint with your reaction. Christopher moved and unlocked the cuffs that were around your ankles. “You should be comfortable while looking so good in cuffs. One set should do it.”

 Gross. Your skin crawled as he drug his hand along your skin and you wished, for a moment, it was Severus’ hands instead. But where was he?

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” Christopher whispered, moving his hand to brush against your cheek. “But if I have to, I will.” He pressed a small, cold kiss against your cheek. “You won’t go. Either they go home and you stay, or you leave… And they stay. As long as I live, that’s the choice to make.” He got up simply, and you slumped as you sat.

“You have to go.” Levi almost yelled. “You go and you can come back and save us.” He beamed, “That’s the answer to it, that’s it. Simple. 

“I don’t think that’s exactly what he meant.” You answered with a deep sigh, “Besides. Severus hasn’t come. It’s been two days?” You sat back and moved your arms slowly. The cuffs rubbed where they laid on your wrists. “We have to figure out how to get out of this together, I have to get back to the ministry, and we all have to go.”

“But how?” Levi asked, “I’m the Defense Against The Dark Arts and you could do spells around me. We both know, you’re the one to get us out of this. But I can’t honestly believe he wouldn’t be coming for you if he knew you were in trouble. What happened? Why were you alone? 

You let your head hit on the wall behind you as you closed your eyes, hot tears slid down your cheeks. “I fought with him. He didn’t want me to come to New York. And I… I should have listened.”

“(Y/N), you can’t blame yourself. If you’d of listened you wouldn’t be you. And I’d probably be dead, what use would they really have for me? They think I’m your man.” Levi wiggled his eyebrows at you and winked proudly. “I can live in this world for maybe another five minutes or so.”

 You laughed a little. “Five more minutes, hm?” You smirked, chewing on your bottom lip as you tried to think a little more. Could you get out of it? Could you try? Did you have any other back up plans or skills?

 “Didn’t McGonagall teach you… I thought you were Animagus?” He asked.

 “I.. How did you know that?” You turned your head at him and then just scoffed, “You think too highly of me. I never completely finished…” You said, looking down. “And that was when I was completely focused, clear of thoughts and stress.” You felt like you were peak PMS symptoms right then. How could you focus?

 “I think you can do it, everything happens at the perfect time. You’re not exactly an emotional wizard.” Levi made a face after saying that, hoping you’d take it in the right way. You did, you knew he was trying to speed you up.

 “Here’s the plan,” You said, his mumbly inspirational speech to you making you want to step up as much as he thought you would. “Let him let you guys go, make him think that I’ve… changed my mind. I want to stay here, with him. Like a little.. wifey.” You both laughed.

 “And when you’re here alone?” He asked, missing where you were going with it.

 

“You go back, take my mother home, then go back and contact the ministry. So if I’m not able to transfigure correctly then they’ll be on their way. And you can take over my classes if the school year commences before I return.” You said sadly, unsure of what would come. If your transfiguration went wrong, there could be consequences.

 “You’ll be back by then. You love and missed Christmas. I’m going to make sure you’re home by New Years. With your love and loved ones.” He said, meaning Severus for sure. You looked at the floor, not sure if that would mean anything at all.

 Later that day, Christopher came in and everything took it’s course. It wasn’t exactly a high crime situation but you wanted to firstly make sure that your mom and best friend were safe and far, far away from here. You knew the man you were dealing with. He had hunted down and killed wizards in the muggle world. Crimes that were illegal by both standards and for reasons you never seemed to get an answer to. Maybe you would find some now?

 Once Levi and your mom were gone, it was the evening and you were allowed a shower and wardrobe change. He didn’t expect you to sleep with him in the same bed, he’d given you a guest bedroom for that moment. Though it was obvious he planned on changing your mind very soon.

 The next morning, you woke up and went to the kitchen and heard nothing. There was breakfast on the table that still looked warm but from the looks of the coffee grains next to the kettle, the coffee hadn’t been done yet. You went over then and started to pour the hot water over the coffee grains softly. As you waited for the coffee to be ready to press, you heard heavy foot steps.

 Instead of seeing Christopher enter the room, you turned to find Severus instead and you were stunned quite speechless. But before you could say anything you felt Severus arms wrap around you and hold you close. Your head was engulfed into his chest and his arms held you tight. “You’re safe,” he said softly, his deep voice almost humming to you. “I’m so sorry.” He was apologizing? “Now, what are you doing New Year’s Eve? Any plans?”

 Your head was spinning, you looked around and saw nothing. “But.. W-what happened to..” You asked, looking around and seeing different authorities going inside the house all at once.

 “We’ve got him and you’re safe. That’s all you need to know.” Severus said firmly, making sure you knew to not press the matter. “Now, did you hear me? I asked you, what are you doing New Year’s Eve?” He walked ahead of you then, stopping you in your tracks as he looked down, searching your eyes for a moment before pressing a soft kiss on to your lips.

 “I’m going to be wherever you are.” You answered simply.

 “Now, let’s get you home right away. I don’t need us running into any other of your little… exes.” Severus said, rolling his last words. “Terrible sorts you dealt with.” You laughed, letting him pull you in to his side tighter before the green powder was in the air and you were back in Spinner’s End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY!! I've been M.I.A. FOR FOREVER!! I got myself into a corner writing the last chapter and maybe have re-written this a million times but each time sort of wrote myself into a hole where it sort of ended the story in a way and I'm not ready to part with any of my characters yet!!!! Sorry if this was a boring ending but if you have any input pleeeeeasseee leave a comment! <3_<3 Sorry you guys!! I hope you guys are still here reading with me!
> 
> What do you guys think about a mushy chapter next time?? I think YES. haha!!
> 
> Song for the chapter:
> 
> What Are You Doing New Year's Eve - Kacey Musgraves  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvXpkH-gl3Q


	15. The Hardest Part

The two of you sat there in silence.

For a few minutes, you stared into his dark eyes and he stared into yours. His black hair hung in his face as if he wasfrustrated. It was December 30th. You still had no answers. Since the two of you had been back home at his residence you had gone back and forth fighting. You wanted to know what happened and he wouldn’t tell you.

“Now, I must go. I have to be at the ministry for the hearing in approximately fifteen minutes.” Severus said as he checked his pocket watch and slapped it back in his pocket. “What  _are_ you doing?” He asked, noticing you rushing to throw some shoes on.

“I’m coming, of course! I want to be there. I should be there. It happened to me.” You said, hands on your hips.

His eyes rolled. “Absolutely not. With the prisoner there it is much too dangerous.” he announced, rotating on the balls of his feet and heels anxiously knowing you'd fight him on this.

“Severus.” You said back.

“Remember what happened the last time we had a similar argument?” He said finally, flashing you a look.

Well, not exactly. You didn’t remember all of it. That was the problem! And he wouldn’t tell you, what was he getting at?

“Are you trying to say I wouldn’t be safe with you?” You retorted, giving him a slight smile. You knew he couldn't argue with that because you were safe as long as you were near to him.

A long sigh came from his mouth as he lifted his head up to the ceiling, rolling his eyes again and flipping his hair at the same time, but he held his hand out to you. “Come.”

 

* * *

 

 

You sat in the hearing room, the entire seats filled with members of the ministry, the minister of magic taking his seat and banging his gavel. Minerva was there. You were there. Severus. All the teachers from school. Where was Levi? You looked around the room, searching. You reached, looking back, around, and then on the other side of Severus.

“Will. you. be. _still_? You are driving me insane.” He said, using one of his large hands to settle your knees to the floor firmly.

“Sorry. I… I was.. Where’s —“

And then you heard the minister bang his gavel again. The prisoner was dressed in black and white and all you could see was the back of his head but, wait? It wasn't Christopher. And then you heard:

 " _In the case of the Ministry of Magic against Levicious Harewood."_

Levicious Harewood? Did you hear that correctly? Tears filled your eyes. “LEVI!” You screamed. You went to stand on your feet to protest but Severus took your arm and pulled you out into the hallway outside of the giant room. As you were pulled out, you noticed everyone peering at you. Then you saw Levi look back and see you - but as soon as the two of you made eye contact his eyes fell to the ground.

“You had to find out, you just couldn’t stay at home!” Sev said in a fast, flustered tone.

“What’s going on? Levi was hostage with me. He wasn’t a -“ You were crying, why were you crying?

“Listen to me,” He moved you into a corner. His body stood over yours, his hands cupping your face, and he looked into your eyes. “I came for you. I saw you chasing your mother and chased you. By the time I got to the alley you were gone.” Severus’ face looked pained, as if he blamed himself. “Levi was a prisoner. Yes, yes. The first day until they took both he and your mother and then he switched teams.”

“How do you know? How do you know it’s true?” You cried, not wanting to hear it. How could it be? He was one of your closest friends. He loved you, right?

“Levicious..” Severus started slowly as if he didn’t want to tell you. “Christopher let him go like he told you, yes. But he only let one person leave alive. He set Levicious and your mother in a room with only a wand and a gun. Whoever survived would be the one who would leave. By the time I found you and I was done with Christopher...”

Your heart shuddered, the loss of Christopher and not even the detail that  _Levicious_ was the one to kill your mother were what killed you. Your mind was just wrapping around the fact that your mother was gone. That's what hit you. She was all you had left. You didn’t want to believe it. And then to hear she was not only dead but at the hands of Levi? You shook your head and raised your hand up in the air as if to stop him from continuing. “So, my mom?!” Your eyes filled with tears and your body felt like it would collapse. You had heard, you had taken it in,  but you were still in disbelief. He held you, holding you against his body. Everything was silent to you but everyone passing looked as they heard you screaming in pain from the loss.

Once you quieted, Severus spoke again.

“I had the ashes collected for you. Since you are her only family - I wasn’t certain on what you wanted to do but there was no other remains to be had.” He said softly, running a hand along your face. “I’m am so sorry I couldn’t stop this from happening.” He said, kneeling down, hugging your stomach as he started to cry himself. “The thought of what they would have done had I not found you sooner. I should have not let you out of my sight!” At the end of the sentence his voice grew dark and angry, the agony of the situation causing him grief on himself.

You rubbed your eyes, your feet regaining some of their footing, and you ran your hands through his dark hair. “Are you in trouble? For…”

“No. I contacted the ministry while I was on the hunt for you. They sent a couple of witches to watch the area while we searched.” He said, “We all agreed after everything we surveillanced - it was the only way. He was into dark magic even as deep as a muggle could get. He had enough to use on you for ten lifetimes. He wasn’t going to be contained.”

His eyes peered up at you, searching yours. “(Y/N), I’m sorry. I promise never to leave your side again, my intentions are set. I’m a fool, I know, just help me change.”

You looked down and lifted him up, standing him to where he towered back over you, rubbing his grief-filled tears. “I had a bad feeling that this would be the last time I saw her. I had bad dreams about it, weird ones. That’s why I fought you so hard to go to her. I’ve mourned the loss of her already and while I mourn the comfort of her presence, I have been motherless for a long time.” You said sadly, tears still in your eyes as you hugged him. “The hardest part is just… letting go.”

He nodded. And you knew with out words, he understood that all too well. He reached in, brushing a hand under your chin, and pressing a wet kiss against your lips. It was sultry and firm, it left you breathless as if you needed it though you didn’t know you did.

“Do you want to go back?” He asked softly, “I just came to see him sent to Azkaban.”

“Do you think, really, he had a choice?” You asked softly, looking up at Severus with your all too empathetic eyes. “Muggles would say it was self defense. If he hadn’t, she would have. Either way, I’d be mourning someone who died at the hand of someone I loved. There’s no win.” You shook your head, looking defeated.

Before he could answer you shook your head. “No, let’s go. I don’t want a hand in what happens to him. I can't rightly say he should be punished and I can't rightly say he shouldn't be. Let that come to on it's own." You managed to say, "But - in the mean time, there's one thing..."

“Yes?” Severus’ tongue dragged the response.

“We should consider moving in together. To a new place. Let’s let go already. Of everything. Everything but us.” He froze as you started to walk on and you turned to him, “Well?” You held out your hand and he took it, agreeing after the initial shock.

“It would be more efficient, certainly. It’s.. A pivotal enough moment for us both.” he stopped you then, his hand around your arm, and looked down at you. “However, if it’s a case of efficiency while also pivotal, one might say we could get married as well.”

You laughed, reaching up to smack a kiss to his lips. “Jesus, Sev!” You giggled before patting his chest. “I just found some heavy shit. Timing, Severus. Timing.” You were obviously tickled by what he said, though you knew he’d only mention it if he was serious somewhere deep down. “Today, we let go. That’s the hardest part, remember? The being with you forever part, that’ll be easy.” you said as you smiled up at him, running a hand along his face affectionately as thousands of witches and wizards passed the two of you on their ways in and out of the ministry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! I'm trying to be better at updating this and I think I'm REALLY happy with how this chapter ties up loose ends but Y'ALL TELL ME! 😁😁😁 What happens next?!?! What do we need/want/gotta haaaave?? Also open to more song recommendations to help with the inspiration! <3 <3 
> 
> Coldplay - The Hardest Part  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdY4acYa_mg
> 
> Full Playlist on Spotify:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/marisanarro/playlist/3mYojdvXQpO7wLYTsiVces?si=eCzZpAEkS3ul4n06acqnsw


	16. New Year's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys love the new chapter! <3 Tell me what y'all think! Leave song suggestions belowww!!! =^.^=
> 
> This chapter's song: 
> 
> New Year's Day - Taylor Swift  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEmcVL1WJgk
> 
> Playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/marisanarro/playlist/3mYojdvXQpO7wLYTsiVces?si=rFF_56m1RYGB6Sq14nSi0Q

"We should have a party," You said as you walked out of the bathroom, brushing your hair.

Severus was lying in bed reading one of his old books. He looked up from over the pages at you and then back down to the lines on said page. "And who would we invite?  _Hagrid?_ " He asked sarcastically before laying his book flat against his chest. "Why can't we just enjoy the evening together? Just us two?" As his words drug on you crawled on the bed beside him.

"Why not?! Let's invite Hagrid, Minerva, Tralawney, Flitwick.." As you spoke you could hear his eyes roll.

"And where would we have this...  _get together?_ My residence is not exactly celebration ready. I've been a tad busy purposely keeping annoying persons out of my homestead." Severus said as his tongue flicked with each phrase. He wrapped an arm around you when you crawled in the bed beside him, even despite being against the idea.

You pressed a small kiss against his cheek and then up against his lips softly. "Please, Sev? Something small?" You whined, hands moving around his waist slowly. "We can just have some faculty over and have drinks. We can do it at my dad's place. Then.. We can do something just us two in the castle once we're back." 

Severus looked down at you, setting his book on the nightstand beside his bed. His sheets were a dark green, a black comforter only a few shades off on top. His room was dark and low lit like most of the rest of his house but it was somehow romantic to you. It was intimate, you knew it was a place he didn't let just anyone be apart of. 

"Our birthday, Sev." You reminded with a raised brow, sitting up a little and wrapping both arms around his waist as you climbed up into his lap. An audible groan was heard. "And YES! We are BOTH celebrating our birthdays together."

"I am not in the business of celebrating one less year of life." His voice was low and rough as he groaned the words out as if you were suffocating the love out of him.

"Don't be such a grinch." You laughed, moving to peck several kisses against his face quickly until you reached his mouth. You left a small, long, and gentle kiss against his lips causing you both to stay lip locked for a moment. "It's our first time to get to be with each other and not have to hide. Come on, a small dinner party." 

His lips only had nearly half a second of curling into the tiniest hint of a smile before you bounced up against his lap celebrating. "Small dinner party only for New Year's. On one condition. Are you listening?" He spanked your bottom just enough for you to giggle and settle down. "Our birthday is just the two of us. No gifts. No parties. No surprises in the great hall. Just us." 

You pretended to think about it before running both of your hands up against his chest, rubbing it softly. "One condition."

"You move into my living quarters when we return to the castle." He finished your sentence, "I was going to insist on it anyhow." Severus said and with a smile he moved his hands over your hips, rubbing them softly. "It'd be a pity to not have you invade my space every single evening."

"Well, I was going to say we have wine but - that's an even better option." Your eyes wiggled and you both laughed. "We have a lot to do if we're going to have a party tonight." You sighed softly, leaning forward and resting against his chest.

"We have some time." Severus said as he leaned down and kissed your forehead. "I set down my book, you see, we must make this moment worth it."

"Hmm, must we?" Your head tilted, giving him a cheeky little grin before pressing a hard and firm kiss against his lips. "I love you." you said, "One hour. That's all! Then it's straight to work!" 

Severus gave a good laugh and nodded, "I swear, straight to work. But first.." He tossed you down on the bed, nuzzling his nose into your neck and kissing you tenderly. With a push, he lifted the large band t-shirt you had on and pressed kisses down on your stomach. 

There was something about how easy it was to fall in line here. He was such a grouch but it was cute how much he tried to push and pull. You were excited to go back to the castle, to see the other professors, and to just let life go back to normal. Even better than normal, really, your ideal life. How could it get better? 

After a few hours, you had both walked over to your house and decorated for everyone. The professors had filled your small home quickly and you were excited to be around them. You sat next to Minerva, who was convincing you to take on more classes to teach. Severus stood in the corner watching with hopeful eyes almost as if he had pushed her to convince you. 

"I could maybe take on Ancient Ruins. That would be fun to teach." You thought softly, letting the wall fall a bit. 

"We thought, perhaps, you should be the one to take on Defense Against The Dark Arts?" Severus spoke up and all the professors nodded and looked at you. "Surely, if Harewood _were_ to return he would be contained at the very least?" His attention turned to Minerva.

"Now, Severus, this is not to a faculty meeting." Minerva said calmly, "However, if (Y/N) were to accept Dark Arts and Muggle Studies - I am confident that Harewood could be contained to Ancient Ruins."

"So. Levicious is coming back, then?" You asked, everyone suddenly looking down or away. 

"I'm afraid so, per the ministry. He was found not guilty on self defense. Per contract he should at least stay the remainder of this year's term." She tried to explain but you were quiet. All you could do was sit there. Severus watched with a concerned grimace on his face. 

"It's almost midnight." You said softly, almost in a distracted tone. You waved your wand and everyone stood up and watched as the ceiling shot up numbers counting down seconds in the air and then, upon midnight, fireworks filled the ceiling in your small home.

You felt a large presence behind you, pulling you in and turning you. It was Severus. "Happy New Year!" You smiled, grinning from cheek to cheek.

"Happy New Year, to our year together. First of many." Severus pulled you tighter, pressing a hard kiss to your lips. Smiles were had at the scene, nudges were given. 

Your arms moved around his waist, holding him tight as you shared toasts with the other staff. After awhile longer they were gone and the night was over. You were cleaning up with Severus. He grabbed a few bottles, as did you, and when you were done you turned to see him watching you. Severus leaned against the wall as he gave you a smile. "Any thoughts on what new classes you'll be teaching?" He purred over your shoulder as he walked up the stairs behind you.

"Yeah, a little." You said with a smile. "You're looking at the new Professor of Defense Against The Dark Arts."

"Now, say that again. Slower, with the robes off." Severus teased with a tiny smirk when he got a good giggle out of you.


	17. A Birthday Celebration

The next few days were spent planning and packing up your places with a few finishing touches. Severus and yourself had agreed to spend off time on looking at places to reside. It was time. You were back at Hogwarts for the second time in your teaching career. This time, you weren't a lone. This time you returned having lost and having gained a whole lot. You stood in the mirror of Snape's, well... Your living quarters. Combined. You were living together. Was this real? How would the students take this? And you gained responsibility of being Defense Against the Dark Arts? Were you crazy? How would the kids take you seriously?

 

"Quit. Worrying." You heard a deep voice scorn you and grow closer. "They're children. They smell fear and insecurities." Severus sneered as he picked your pin from the table and placed it on for you. "Now, if I may." He turned on the balls of his feet and led you out into the hallways. They were silent. Tomorrow you and Severus would ride the Hogwarts Express to pick up the students from the platform and escort them back to the castle. But today? Well, today was Severus' and your birthday, of course.

Severus walked with you to the Great Hall. There was no meeting scheduled. It was out of the ordinary only because the term hadn't yet started. 

"Sev, honey, there's no breakfast toda-..." Your voice was cut off when he pushed you through the doors.

There was a giant Christmas tree. Huge. It had lights and ornaments that covered it from top to bottom. Ribbons billowed down, tinsel was tucked between it's branches. Your eyes watered as a cool snowflake fell from the enchanted ceiling and disappeared just before you anticipated it to hit your nose. As you walked closer, the ornaments were all enchanted with your student's pictures and they went from their image to their letters for you, saying happy birthday.

"It's ridiculous." Severus whispered anxiously.

"Sev! No! Honey!" You laughed, the tears in your eyes filling up. You gripped his body in a hug in which his body enveloped yours, your head hiding into his neck as you breathed in his embrace. "It's perfect. It's perfect because it is absolutely ridiculous and something that you would never do... But it's perfect because you did it for me." Your eyes were still tearing up, but your smile beamed as you looked up at him. Then it fell. "Severus, wait a second... We said no gifts! We agreed! I actually did it, too! I thought it was just you and me today!" 

He hushed you by placing his index finger firmly against your lips, pressing them closed. "Ah, ah, ah. Technically, not a gift. An experience. One that you and I are experiencing together. We missed Christmas. I missed seeing your eyes light up over this. I beg you not leave me in despair. How I've longed to experience the jollies of Christmas." 

Severus' long sarcastic monologue left you giggling, which made him laugh in return. 

"Happy birthday, my love." He said softly, kissing your lips. "My little Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. You are going to do great things." He whispered slyly as his lips returned against yours and pressed another few kisses. 

"Severus, you're too much! I very well could make an absolute arse out of myself!" You laughed, moving to sit at the table. He had one set with a meal of your favorite Christmas treats, foods, and drinks. He looked at all of the food as if he was a little disgusted and you laughed, plating some different things for him to try. "But thank you." You smiled, reaching over to press a big kiss to his head. "Happy birthday, my handsome, grumpy Potions professor."

You knew he hated his birthday, every bit of it. However, he gave you a little smile. 

You ate and told stories about Christmases with your mom and dad. He told you some more about his, or his lack of. "For someone shown so little, you love so much, Severus." You said simply. "You're loyal and steady. You're intelligent to the point of genius. Why did you let Sirius and James riddle you with such insecurities?" Your head cocked a bit as you asked this, his face looking down. 

"I had no one to tell me I was anything otherwise. No one except for Lily. Which came my affection for her. Once she was with Potter I took it as her agreeing with them." Severus admitted dryly. "I am not the most social wizard." 

You laughed a little. He made a face at you, to which you stuck your tongue out at. 

"You don't have to be like everyone else to be enough. And, you know, I love you. I love every single flaw you see in yourself." Your hand moved over the back of his and slid up under his sleeve in one caress. It was a simple movement but one that was intimate as it could be.

"And I, you." He replied. "Here," he said softly, flicking his wand and the whole room fell into a snow globe. It landed roughly, you held it steady in reaction to the heavy landing. 

"How beautiful! It's even more gorgeous now, I can have it forever." The tree, snow falling, and You and Severus smiling at each other played to a slow tune as you turned the dial. You got up and climbed over the now empty table, sitting on the top in front of him. "Thank you."

His arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you a bit as he held you firmly. "No. Thank you. This is the best birthday I have yet to encounter. Christmas and all." 

"What would you prefer? Christmas every day or kids every day?" you asked with a little grin as you looped your arm around his. 

"I could do a kid of  _ours_. These kids? They're terrible at best." He answered, his words rolling off his tongue as you both walked about.

"Ours, huh?" You wiggled your brows, moving so you were in front of him. "So you want babies and what? You want to get married too?!"

"I only waited years and years to find you and even longer for you to stop being such a little brat. I deserve at least one of the two." Severus answered with an eye roll and jesting tease.

The two of you continued to laugh and poke fun at the other. You ran up to a tree and laid against it together and spent the rest of the day reading and talking about lessons that you'd set in to place this year. It was time. Tomorrow would bring on your second term at Hogwarts as a professor. What would happen next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY! Work is FINALLY slowing down! Like wheeeewwww, as if this holiday season wasn't crazy enough!!! I'm here. Leave some song suggestions, I'm kinda running low on the songs and just writing at this point! Here is a little chapter! Looking to write some more on my next few days off. :) :)
> 
> I just felt this song was happy and fitting! Enjoy!! 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5tWYmIOWGk  
> On Top Of The World - Imagine Dragons


	18. Back to the Magic Business

You laid there awake from quite sometime. It was barely morning, the light outside the window was still lit only by the moon. You turned and saw an empty bed beside you. Sitting up a little, you rubbed your eyelids, and you searched the room for him. Then, you saw him. Well, you saw it. His mark. That mark. You blinked for a moment or two more, wondering what he was doing. He was rubbing against it, almost as if it burned or tingled.

Suddenly, he noticed you stirring and moved his sleeve down over his arm. "Go back. To sleep." He said, not as gently as he usually was with you.

His tone caused you to make a face, even in your drowsy state. "Severus," you mumbled, creeping closer to move your embrace around his waist. He was sitting on your side of the bed, his back facing you. That was when he looked back down at you. "Is it hurting?"

"A bit." He answered, his face bothered. 

You sat up then, crawling slowly to sit beside him. You moved to slide his arm over in your lap and rubbed it tenderly. "It'll be okay, it's over now." You smiled at him. His face still remained in a fuss. You leaned in and pressed a few small kisses along his forearm and over the mark. "It's over, Sev." 

He nodded then and you moved to curl up, laying your head in his lap. He let his left arm in your embrace but moved his right hand to run across your head.

"Good morning," Severus said with a half smile. He leaned down and kissed your forehead and then your lips.

You thought to ask if he was okay but, knowing Severus, he would rather you not ask. So, you didn't. And you could tell that once he realized you weren't going to bring it up his demeanor relaxed. Though, he was already searching your mind. A dirty habit. You shot him a look.

"The mark has not been active since the battle." He said, his face apologizing a bit. "I know, he's dead. Not all of his followers are. I'm concerned that -"

"They're being watched. All of them. Very closely," You continued.

"Yes, yes. In Azkaban. Like the last time. Worked well then, did it not?" Severus clicked.

"I guess it's a bad time to tell you that Potter is coming in for a talk with my class soon, we're still figuring out the dates." You noticed him tense up again and stand up to start changing clothes, probably to keep himself from going on another tangent. 

"And that's a good idea? For us and for Potter?" He asked with a brow raised, "Call it what you will. It's asking for things to raised up that need not be."

"But to forget would be an even bigger mistake all together." You corrected, moving to stand as well, completing the task of buttoning his collar. "It was not in vain. We've all learned quit a bit since then, the ministry included." 

You heard him scoff. His mistrust of the ministry still lingering. It was only natural. But, even with the little scoff, he leaned down to kiss you again. "I hate when you talk me down from my ledge." 

You rolled your eyes and laughed a little. "I'll be ready in a bit, wait for me." You wagged your finger. He held his hands up and walked to sit in the small kitchen area. 

It was another first day. You felt a little more confident, more ready for anything than you ever felt. And, if you weren't about to delve into an entirely new class and subject, you would actually be insecurity free. Alas, it was a new subject. Some of the same kids but you weren't sure how big of shoes Levi left to fill. As your mind neared the thought of him, your stomach ached. How was  _he_ going to take it all? How was he at all? 

Always fashionable, you wore a nice white shirt with a navy blue flared skirt that landed a few inches from your knees. Your lighter blue cape fit easily on top with your pin over your right breast. You wore your hair down, some light natural makeup to match your wavy curls. A pair of sheer tights and navy heeled loafers completed your look. 

"May I have the honor?" Asked Severus' voice, his hand lowering itself to you as you turned in his direction. 

"You may," You said with a nod. 

With that Severus, Hagrid, and yourself went off to board the train and pick the students up. Everyone was excited to see you. Back at the castle the teachers were settling in and getting the hall prepared for the students. You were excited to see your students, who were all apologetic. One made an apology and even tried to explain Professor Harewood's side frantically, begging you not to be mad. "I'm not mad," you said with a smile. "Don't you worry your head with things of that sort. Life happens in the craziest way, you should know I am a very generous person with forgiveness." The kids were all happy and boarding the plane. Though, this all caused you a little grief. Severus took you into an empty car and closed the door for the ride. The both of you knew you needed the silence.

When you returned and entered the great hall, you noticed all the teachers at the table, McGonagall giving you both a smile. You took a seat between Hagrid and Severus, Hagrid was excited to make small talk and be kept up to date with it all. You happily made conversation until you looked up and saw Levicious. You both caught each other's eyes by accident and he stopped in his tracks. 

"(Y/N)," Levi stammered at you. "May we... Could we.. Can we talk?" His voice lowered as he lost all confidence in asking the question. He looked pale.

"I am certain there is a better time and place for such conversation, Professor Harewood." Minerva begged, giving him a face as in please wait for later. Had they talked? Was she in on this? In on what? Your eyes darted from her to him.

"I am certain a better time and place would be never." Severus spoke dryly.

"R-right. Maybe after dinner?" Levicious asked, his eyes begging you as much as they could with out words.

"That's fine." You responded, "Afterwards we can speak. Have a good dinner, Levicious." 

_Please. Just sit down._ You tried to take a deep breath as he went to his seat at the other end of the table.

"Are you _serious_?" Severus scorned in your ear quietly. "Are you  _seriously_ going to have any conversation with that imbecile?" 

"Enough." You said, your hand moving over his that was against your lap, gripping you gently. "I don't need your permission, Severus." 

"Certainly not." He answered, moving his hand back to the table in front of him. 

_FUCK! Can I catch a break?!_ You scorned yourself. It was a damn if you did, damn if you didn't. What in the hell? Just then, the students came in and pulled you from your thoughts. What was Levicious going to say? Was he going to talk to you  _alone_? Would you be safe? Should you be worried? You felt bad for getting on to Severus but you were so overwhelmed. You moved your hand to slightly touch fingers against his fingers but he pulled away. Yeah,  _fuck._ He was pissed. What a great start to the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off -- Sorry for the constant breaks. It's been a doozy. I'm going to re-kick this thing going! I've had some drama in mind. ;) What do you think Levi is going to say?! 
> 
> I also have been wanting to bring in another (potentially problematic?) existing character from the hp-verse. Who should it be? Draco? Fred Weasley? Potter? I'm exciiiited!


End file.
